Language, Y'all, Language!

Every industry has its own language. The jargon and especially the acronyms that save time and syllables are some of the tools that keep conversations quick while trying to remain competitive in the marketplace. Some of the language and terms are entirely for internal consumption as the "BOH" (back of the house) employees devise new products and services to introduce or discuss industry trends and so on. Actually ALL of the language is for internal consumption but some of it can spill over in to the public arena through the simple means of being overheard by the customers being served.

Wanna learn how to speak "airline?" An "ASM" is an available seat mile while an "RPM" is revenue per (seat) mile. One airplane seat on a flight that travels 100 miles = 100 ASMs. Most airplanes don't hold just one seat so that is where the numbers can get mind boggling. One hundred seats flown one hundred miles = 10,000 ASMs; if Dallas to Oklahoma city is 100 miles you get the idea. It is "airline" for simply saying every seat on the flight is available, "open," unsold. The "RPM" comes in after the flight has left and the revenue is spread over those 100 seats whether or not all of them sold and regardless of the fare each seat collected. Almost like roulette every penny collected has to cover the table or in this case, the cabin. One bet (paying passenger) covering the table (the entire flight)? Odds of hitting (making money) are slim, right? More fares, more passengers, mo' money, mo' money, mo' money!

At the airport is where most of the jargon comes in to direct contact with the traveling public. "LOL" is not "laugh out loud" but airline-speak for Little Ol' Lady who is typically traveling alone and needs assistance. Likewise "UM" is short for Unaccompanied Minor who also needs assistance getting from A to B but unless you fall in to one of those special categories terms such as those won't mean much to you. It's the crew language that really gets almost poetic when you hear it, learn it and understand it.

When an airplane parks at the gate it must be physically turned around to point back out to the runway for its next flight. It is a "turnaround" or a "turn" for short. Gate agents, Flight attendants, pilots and ramp crews all have this term in common. For the air crews, working a "Miami Turn" means they're going to Miami and coming straight back. For the ramp an airplane may arrive from Kansas City and "turn" (as in "turn in to...") an outbound to Orange County. Or it could be a "thru" from Nashville to Denver. For the airport gang a "RON" is an aircraft remaining overnight at their facility while the "overnight" part for the pilots and flight attendants gets translated in to a "layover" as part of their 2-, 3- or 4-day "trip." For air crews, a "trip" might sound something like this:

"I picked up a 3-day, Atlanta Boston Turn, Raleigh layover, Detroit, LA, Salt Lake, Dropped the Atlanta - Miami on Day 3 to get in some skiing, picked up a Memphis turn back to Salt Lake, then home to Atlanta on Friday with the next three days off before a Honolulu 3-day and still kept all of my hours!"

We won't get in to the acronyms that make up the core of the business and those are the three-letter codes for each airport serving a given city but some, like LAX or most colorfully, "The ATL" are already part of the public vernacular. In this day of TSA and heightened security crews might be verboten from discussing their business and especially their trip itineraries but at least you may have more of a sense of what they're talking about if they are overheard. Outside of their families, their unions and the state of their airline there's nothing flight crews love to talk about more than the kinds of trips they work.

Gotta go.

Bodrum and the Beach

Bodrum, Turkey is a site of exquisite Mediterranean beauty and loaded with significant history. Few Americans have ever heard of the place yet it is a popular enough destination for Europeans, only 4.5 hours flight from London. Europeans seem more willing to explore and enjoy out of the way destinations, even ones in the United States whereas Americans seem interested only in marquee destinations.

Want proof? When Americans think of a European vacation the vast majority automatically rattle off the usual big-splash suspects of London, Paris, Rome, Amsterdam and Munich, the big city tours. When Greece and Spain come in to the conversation those destinations remain limited to Athens, Mykonos, Santorini, Barcelona, the Madrid region and possibly Ibiza/Mallorca. That's it. Their entire "foreign" experience summed up in to one or two destinations and whatever is within a day's drive or an hour's flight or sail from there. Oh how there is so much more!

For the sake of it just Google "British Holiday Companies" and see the endless list that pops up. Well established names like Thomson, Thomas Cook, Monarch and Direct Holidays. Pick any of their websites and just browse the destinations each one offers, many in competition with at least two or three other outfits and some including their own in-house air transportation. Thomson Holidays, for example, is affiliated with Thomsonfly, billed as the third largest airline in the United Kingdom.

A charter airline owned by a vacation company the third largest in the country? And where do they fly? Between the two sister companies there are listed seven destinations in Egypt alone, six in South Africa and 22 of the Greek Islands. Thomas Cook lists the entire country of Brazil as a destination but specifies 12 unique options in Bulgaria. Bulgaria? Not to be chintzy, Thomas Cook offers over 30 destinations in the United States, from Aspen to Cincinnati and Charleston to Portland.

The Europeans live in the big cities we want to visit so it makes sense they want to go someplace else, especially when we come to town! Spain IS Florida to most Brits, so long as it has an airport, some kind of accommodation to choose from and predictably bright and sunny weather with beaches and surf to enjoy they're all over it, from Sitges to Malaga, Alicante and back. Americans go to Egypt for the pyramids; the Europeans have already been so they hideaway by the sea at Sharm El-Sheikh, again soaking up the sun before heading north to home and the gloom of winter.

But back to Bodrum. Right by the Mediterranean, Bodrum offers a 13,000 seat amphitheater, a huge crusader era Castle of the Knights of St. John and the remnants of the Great Mausoleum, one of the seven ancient wonders of the world. All that plus sun and sand, too? Hell, few American vacation companies would even offer something this exotic and out of the way. American Express' website couldn't even spell B-o-d-r-u-m! The question is, how to get there on the cheap from this side of the Atlantic?

The airport code is "BJV" and airfare alone through Travelocity from Chicago for travel on July 1st and back on the 15th started at $2,111 round trip on Turkish Airlines with one 2.5 hour stopover in Istanbul. Expensive but far easier to get to than previously thought. To assuage any third-world visions of what this region of Turkey must be like, the airport is only 20 miles north of town, it opened a new international terminal in 2000, boasts a 9,500 ft. concrete runway and is served by some 40 different airlines!

By comparison, using the same days of travel, a roundtrip ticket from Chicago to London started at $878 on American Airlines. Searching Monarch Holidays from the UK, a seven-night Bodrum package including air leaving on July 3rd and returning to London on the 11th produced five pages of options ranging from $365 at the budget Delta Hotel to $1,750 per person at the top end Kempinski Barbaros Bay pictured above. That includes flights on Monarch Air, the house airline in operation since 1960 and offering Boeing and Airbus equipment to over 100 destinations worldwide, plus the hotel. Uh, and did you also notice the four extra days in London, too? Those hotel nights are not included but at the low end hotel choice the savings is still an amazing $868 over the Turkish Airlines fare alone.

Gotta go.

One More Time, American Airlines

What is wrong with American Airlines? The service is on par with the other legacy carriers, the schedules are convenient and the prices also largely in line with other offerings. The problem is they don't seem capable of making any money, having lost over $450 million last year while every other airline in the sandbox brought home at least a little somethin' somethin'. What gives?

When asked this question the CEO Gerard Arpey said that he was waiting on favorable contracts in both labor and fuel to end at other companies such as Southwest. Uh, yea. And how does that fix the problems at home? American never filed bankruptcy in the decade since the attacks of September 11, clearly a point of pride for all at this proud corporation but now equally clearly a bad mistake according to conventional wisdom. Labor costs at American remain higher than most other airlines despite the rumblings from the rank and file that they've given all they can give in concessions and other give backs.

The shocking revelation here is the simple fact that American Airlines is actually sitting still, waiting. This airline, arguably more than any other in the country, made its bones and broke more than a few thru innovation and daring, bold action, often dragging the rest of the industry along, however reluctantly. The DC-3 owes a lot to American, as does much of the information technology in use today to say nothing of frequent flyer programs the world over. American never, ever, sat still, so to here that they are "waiting" for other airlines' cost to rise up and meet their own is nothing short of appalling. The last time around, it seems, American had introduced B-Scale to save itself rather than wait to see what the other guys were doing.

Route development at American appears to have been largely stagnant ever since the Miami operation was purchased from Eastern Airlines. There have been a lot of hub closures such as San Juan, San Jose, Raleigh/Durham and Nashville but the only recent triumph is a huge, billion dollar terminal at JFK which remains largely under-utilized. So far the only thing coming out of New York is anti-trust with British Airways and Iberia along with mileage sharing with Jet Blue. Little in the way of new, showcase routes (Helsinki, anyone?) have emerged that also happen to make money.

What, truly, has happened that can be called ahead of its time or at least ground-breaking? Sleeper seats? Yawn. Wi-Fi? Whatever. Is it possible that there is nothing left for any airline to innovate and roll-out to the rest of the industry? Emirates has showers on board while Virgin Atlantic has introduced double beds but few others are stampeding to sign up for similar features. The 747 was the revolutionary airplane in 1969 which virtually every major carrier felt they had to have to keep up. The A380 is really just another, larger, widebody. The "new" 787/A350 types are made of plastic. Fine, but they still won't fly any faster or offer more in the way of onboard comfort for any cabin that isn't already out there. What is the next big thing on the horizon and will it be American Airlines that brings it?

American must find a way to deal with its operating costs and then come out swinging with something, anything, that nobody saw coming but absolutely everyone has to have but take years to catch up to. They need another DC-3. They need another SABRE. They need another AAdvantage. One more time.

Gotta go.

Long Haul Lament

The first 747 was designed to carry almost 400 people from the East Coast of the United States to Europe, basically a double-decker bus on a relatively short haul service. Later versions and even later widebodies stretched those demands to cover the West Coast of America deep in to Central Europe and on "very" long haul flights to Asia. Today there are "Ultra" long haul flights such as New York to Hong Kong and Singapore or Los Angeles to Dubai. Surprisingly few of them today are served by the venerable old bird who started it all in the first place.

Why? Kinda simple, really. The 747 can't make it. Technology and fuel capacity can only do so much and most feel the 747 has been taken literally as far as it can go, the new "Dash-8" series notwithstanding (and that is a model still yet to fly in commercial service so no one really knows). Most of these ultra routes are flown with smaller planes that still have very large fuel capacities, making 16 hours between California and the Middle East a stretch but a doable one.

Qantas, long distance travel master supreme, has recently introduced nonstop service from Sydney to Dallas/Ft. Worth, my hometown. The aircraft they use is a 747-ER for "Extended Range" which means it is stuffed with fuel in every possible location, sacrificing some cargo space but not passenger room. The easy part is that Sydney to Dallas is flown with the wind at its back so the plane gets a nice push most of the way to help bridge the distance. Heading back down south is another story with absolutely no margin for error. Dallas/Ft. Worth is typically a three hour flight to the West Coast from which it is typically a 14-hour flight to get to Australia, three extra hours tacked on to an already long service.

Airline planners typically hope for "blue sky" conditions that will allow a flight to operate as scheduled...most of the time. Trouble is when you advertise nonstop service customers expect and accept no excuses for pulling over to get gas. For a variety of reasons Qantas does not want to stop between Dallas and Australia. Any island along the way such as Hawaii or Fiji will most likely charge exorbitant rates for fuel not to mention fees for landing and using their facilities in to the bargain.

Within a week of inaugurating service a story went out that called Qantas on the carpet for leaving three stuffed baggage containers behind as a weight saving ploy to allow a nonstop flight. It took another 24 hours for the affected customers to be reunited with their belongings. One has to wonder if only the Brisbane customers were affected; I'd hate to think of the mess it would cause if any of those bags were going to other destinations. Will it happen again? Sure, at some point. Has it happened before?

Some time ago in a bid to compete with Qantas to Australia United Airlines offered nonstop service from Los Angeles to Melbourne, also with a 747. It didn't last long because the distance was simply too far for the model United operated. Stops were routinely made in Hawaii for fuel until they finally threw in the towel, red faced from the exertion and humiliation. Melbourne is now only available on United after a scheduled stop in Sydney.

United tried again in a different market, offering nonstops from New York to Hong Kong but learned the same lesson. "Nonstop" service making a "technical" stop in Anchorage damaged their reputation and doomed the service after maybe six months.

Are airlines biting off more than their engines can chew with these extreme routes? Does anybody really want to endure 17-20 hours on an airplane (especially in coach) for the sake of avoiding a connection? One friend of mine sent one of his employees to Sydney from Dallas on assignment recently. That guy deliberately chose a connection via Los Angeles just to avoid the new service altogether. He got to stretch his legs on the ground for a couple of hours and enjoy the new A380 on the way down in to the bargain. Not bad, I say.

Gotta go.

Windows Beware

Take in a show at a live theater and the establishment knows the viewing angle of every seat in the house. They are very careful to point out those seats with a partial or obstructed view so the customers know what they're in for at the point of purchase. Book a "window" seat on an airplane and that is not always what the passenger is going to enjoy, is it?

I booked Qantas to New Zealand a couple years ago and requested the exit row window at the third passenger door over the wing, thinking I had a steal of a seat on my hands. They did not charge an extra fee for the leg room even though the view was 110 feet of metal, I had the sidewall to cuddle up against for the 12-hour flight down south. Nice? Not. The evacuation slide housing jutted in to the space where my legs were supposed to go and all I had was sidewall. The "window" was squarely in the row behind me, forcing my neck to pivot like some drunken owl to see outside if the people in the row behind me decided to leave the shade up in the first place. Lesson learned.

I never like to sit behind the wing of an airplane so when I choose a window seat there's usually an unobstructed view that comes with it. Not so the poor fools who either take what's left or don't know any better, especially when flying on the MD-80 or something similar. On American Airlines there are two rows of seats between the aft galley and the lavatory on the left hand side. Those two rows have windows, the first right next to the engine intake and the second square in the middle of the engine housing itself. How peaceful.

Even in the front, however, things are not guaranteed, as shown by those rows near the entry doors. Some widebodies such as the 767 and 747 run air ducts within the skin of the plane through the sidewalls which forces some rows again to stare at blank panels for the duration of a flight. Heaven help you if you're claustrophobic. To look at the plane from the outside it is easy to see where these window breaks are located. Thanks to the fact that nearly every airline has their own row numbering system, however, it is hard to tell or remember if Row 15 is the one to avoid or Row 21.

You would think that the premium cabins would pay close attention to such details to ensure their best customers always have a window if that is their seat of choice. Think again. The latest cabin designs for some business and first class configurations have angled the seats to what appears to be nearly 45 degrees from vertical. Not facing the window, though, no, but away from the sidewalls with the feet pointed in to the aisle. Really?

Sitting up front is definitely all about the space while the design was probably intended to meet emergency evacuation standards but still. What's the point of the window if my back is to the wall and I have to do the drunken owl neck thing again just to take a look outside? When I wake up from a snooze I like to see if the Milky Way is out there or maybe an island or range of mountains, perhaps.

Then again, I can always ask for a middle or an aisle seat and avoid the problem altogether.

Gotta go.

Traveling Under Contract

In the travel industry service providers have this mysterious arm of employees called sales managers. Or Account Executives. Or something along those lines to give the grueling and cruel position some sense of power and respectability. Like the ubiquitous "Fuller Brush Man" they beat the bushes of corporate America hustling for the attentions and business of other corporations in what can be summed up as some of the most cut throat day trading left on the planet.

The corporate volume agreement is a key tool used to guarantee a revenue stream from a major customer in to the service provider, be it airline, rental car company or hotel. Travel providers operating on microscopic profit margins need every penny they can get. Corporations with far flung operations want as much of a break in travel costs as they can get. Now comes the fun...can they get a better discount from United or America, from Sheraton or Hyatt, from Avis or Hertz? McDonald's?

Most restaurants do not generally have a sales force beyond their marketing division which deals in print advertising and television commercials. After that their reputation, location and whether or not they accept the corporate card of choice are usually all they need to get people off the streets and in to their dining rooms. Hotels have rooms to fill and they measure their performance in terms such as "room/nights," or how many nights each room of a given property can generate. A one-night stay? Meh. Too much work. A group of 30 for ten nights each? Now you're talking! More of those, please, and how about some help with all those meeting rooms?

Rental car companies have huge fleets of cars in all sizes to keep on the roads and the longer the rentals the better for them. They have to move the car, often as a loss-leader to get to the margin boosting add-ons like collision damage waivers, GPS and category upgrades.

Same with airlines only amplified to an unimaginable degree. They have thousands of empty seats to fill, any one of which might be available for sale from one to six times a day depending on how often that particular aircraft takes off and lands within a 24 hour window. Add in other variables like market competition, day of the week and time of the year and that seat can have literally dozens of possible fares attached to it. Do you go after Grandma or General Electric?

Buy more, get more, basically, and other "toys" can come with those contracts, too, like free nights and cars, upgraded cars, rooms and seats in First Class. Airlines will even "match" membership status across frequent flyer programs. Other incentives can include memberships to the airline club lounges or even their particular brand of "Special Services" which amounts to individualized airport concierge service at the largest (and most notorious) hubs and key markets.

Today everybody pretends that their agreement is exclusive and that penalties will be invoked if the corporation double-dips with other service retailers in key markets. Doesn't happen. The corporate account often has multiple contracts designed for different things that covers the spread of their travel and lets them hit their travel targets across the board. No airline in their right mind will kill the goose so they can have all of the golden eggs. In markets like Chicago, New York, Boston and Los Angeles, it's sign here, then here, handshake, here's your bag of treats and thanks for buying exclusively with us!

Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Gotta go.

Gas-O-Sene

Airlines live by the economics of unit costs per mile. Using that formula I just filled my car at $3.35 a gallon here in the great but not always cheap state of Texas. A 16-gallon fill-up sets me back right at $54 for regular unleaded. My car's mileage over the course of a week of commuting to work and one or two trips for groceries and essentials is about 350 miles. That is right at 22 miles to the gallon over both highway and city mileage. If it were all highway I can add at least another 60 miles to that total before having to pull up again. An entire year of fuel burn, if I drove the same every week, including vacations, would be 832 gallons at an expense of $2800 for 18,200 miles. In airline breakdown that is 6.5 cents per mile with no change in the price of gas or the mileage driven. Doesn't sound so bad but how does that compare to flying?

This month Qantas will launch direct service from my home town of Dallas/Ft. Worth to Australia, featuring nonstop service to Brisbane with return nonstop service from Sydney. The smallest plane in their fleet that can handle the route is the 747-400ER which is no small bird to begin with. The A380 is too big, there aren't enough of them yet and the ones they have are suffering persistent teething problems with engines and fuel pumps. The new 787 would be perfect to start out but oops, those aren't delivered yet or ready to fly at this writing. The 747 it is and here are a few numbers to toss around for just this one flight that will operate only four days a week.

The -400 version has been around since 1989. It expanded upon the original -100 model to the tune of an additional 2300 miles in range (think of flying 11 hours from Athens to New York and then keep going another six hours to California without stopping). It ships 15,000 more gallons of fuel per flight in order to make that added flying possible and weighs 140,000 pounds more than the first one did for Pan Am back in 1970.

Did I say 15,000 more gallons? Yes, for a total of 63,700 gallons fully loaded for just one flight. And you can bet this flight will have a full load of fuel almost regardless of how many passengers are on board. That kind of fuel would need 76 years to burn for just me and my car but that's not a fair comparison. Spreading that fuel load over 450 passengers and you're talking 145 gallons per person to fly all the way to Australia. At 22 miles per gallon in my car that isn't even half the distance of getting there if driving to Brisbane were even possible!

There are millions of cars in the United States alone much less around the rest of the world. My car seats five but carries only me 95% of the time. Boeing 747s rarely operate with only one paying customer on board though it has happened. As of March 11th, the IATA website indicates the price of jet fuel ran at $3.15 per gallon, 20 cents off of what I paid. At that price Qantas has to shell out over $200,000 per flight for the new service from Dallas, the kind of money that would again take me over 70 years to spend if the price held steady that long. Spread it over 450 paying customers, though, and the cost is $445 per person, each way, about the same as it costs me to drive my car for two months.

I just looked at Qantas' website where the cheapest roundtrip ticket between Dallas and Brisbane is, wait for it, $988 round trip. That's hardly $100 over the total cost of fuel at the IATA price and does not necessarily include surcharges, airport or security fees much less the price of labor for the pilots and flight attendants or even the food. Yes, for 17 hours in the air they do feed you.

Just like you I don't like to pay any more than I have to for gas or the cost of a plane ticket. At the same time it is a bit more understandable when they say "seats are limited."

Gotta go.

Qantas to Dallas

Hooray! Qantas is finally coming to Dallas after a long-awaited and much anticipated announcement to begin service in May of 2011. We all knew the only thing holding them up was an uptick in the economy that would sustain the first non-traditional (anything other than Los Angeles or San Francisco) nonstop service to the land down under. Though in fact the service comes by way of discontinuing their service to San Francisco which freed up the aircraft assets needed to fly the route it is surely welcome news in these here parts.

San Francisco never made much sense simply because it is a United Airlines stronghold, a founding member of the Star Alliance. Qantas has been in bed with American Airlines through oneworld and guess where American’s strongest base is located. No brainer that over 800 silver birds a day launch from Dallas bringing tons of connecting traffic with them. Just like at Los Angeles, the southbound departure to Brisbane which then continues to Sydney doesn’t depart until late at night leaving all day long for traffic to build at Dallas to fill the airplane. Even without much in the way of connecting business the Dallas/Ft Worth area is fourth largest in the country in terms of population at nearly seven million, was recently cited for having more corporate headquarters in the area than New York City and thus has no shortage of the affluent and well-heeled.

Am I invested in this new service in any way? Nope, but I am a fan of Qantas, having flown them on more than one occasion. I also live in the area and have close friends in New Zealand. This service just made it a heck of a lot easier to stay in touch without having to deal with Los Angeles but also continuing to earn AAdvantage frequent flyer miles. There’s not really a lot to complain about regarding this service, scheduled to launch with my favorite airplane, the 747-400 offering coach, premium economy and business class.

Actually there is just one little thing that I’m concerned/curious about and that is the plan to launch nonstop to Brisbane. Sydney is simply too far for the 747, the A380 is too large for the market (not to mention grounded due to engine troubles) and the 787 probably a year away from entering this particular market. Brisbane is all of 276 miles closer and thus within the extreme limit of the range of the plane they’re planning to use. Wow, a whole 276 miles. I remember when United attempted nonstop service from Los Angeles to Melbourne but the equipment they used more often than not had to call in to Honolulu for extra fuel thanks to headwinds, payload or both.

That was a different model 747 that didn’t have the same range as the one Qantas will use but the extreme limits present the same problems with seasonal headwinds and such like. The routing of the flight will take it through Texas west-southwest across Mexico and across Baja California for about four hours before breaking out over the Pacific for the final 13 hours to Brisbane. That routing leaves precious few North American alternates to choose from on this side of the flight if refueling is an unavoidable part of the plan. What’s left after that?

Hawaii would be too far to the north so that leaves Tahiti or Fiji as having air strips and facilities well positioned and capable of handling a middle of the night fuel stop or worse. With that said I am in no way concerned about the safe operation of the service. I only wonder if I may be lucky enough to experience an unscheduled “technical” stop as part of my vacation adventure. There is a solution, though.

Instead of trying to make Brisbane they could fly the route nonstop to New Zealand where my friends are. Auckland is 800 miles closer and comfortably within range of the 747. They could drop me off and then keep going to Sydney from there. But maybe they and Air New Zealand (offering a competing nonstop to Houston to hook up with Continental Airlines) have already thought of that!

Gotta go!

Sayonara 747-San

I'd already written about the legacy of the Boeing 747 and what it means to me personally. This time however, a couple of things caught my eye that I found more than a little interesting. The first is the coverage given to the Air France A380 collision at JFK with a Comair (Delta) regional jet. Ground collisions happen all the time but this one marks the first official "accident" involving the massive plane at an airport re-jiggered specifically to make room for the great beast. Lots of investigating will take place regarding taxi clearance, which plane might have been out of position, whether or not the ground controller should have cleared the A380 and so on and so on.

When the 747 came on to the scene JFK and other major airports around the world were caught in a similar quandary and that was how to handle the monster on the ground given the current alignment of taxiways, runways and ramp space at the gates. It wasn't so much the width of the fuselage but the height of the access panels, cargo compartments and passenger doors to say nothing of the huge, nearly 200 foot wing span. Moving all of that on the ground gracefully meant considerable investment in upgraded infrastructure, money most airport and airline managers have long since forgotten about and considered worth every penny.

Here comes the A380 with the same issues all over again and the almost Tonka toy treatment it gave to the hapless commuter plane unfortunate enough to be in the way. Were the preparations and improvements sufficient or is more work needed especially around crunch time with more traffic on the ground than was originally planned? We'll find out soon enough. The other interesting tidbit I discovered, getting back to the 747 itself, is a recent small article announcing the last revenue operation of the 747 by Japan Airlines in February.

Not even the domestic "-SR" version remains in the JAL fleet, simply a flabbergasting revelation. Japan Airlines once owned the largest 747 fleet in the world, at one point operating more of this type than any other aircraft in their system. The great plane represented strength, stability, even status to the lay passenger who appreciated and expected the latest in technology along with maximum comfort. The rest of the world was amazed in the early days that a 747 custom built for short-haul sectors in Japan could regularly carry 500+ passengers on a flight so short as that between Tokyo/Haneda and Osaka/Itami, hardly an hour in the air from start to finish. Others still remember the tragic loss of one such 747 operating JAL #123 on that exact route in August of 1985.

The other great Japanese airline, All Nippon, has also pulled its international models but will retain the domestic 747 fleet for a few more years, until 2015 according to the article I read. My one experience with the 747 on a Japanese carrier was a roundtrip flight on All Nippon between Tokyo/Haneda and Okinawa. Coach service both ways, a light snack on board and nothing special other than simply being on the plane which flew smooth and true in both directions.

The 747 was built for heavy international lifting and specifically for extremely dense markets, plenty of which happened to be within Japan itself. There will be 747s over the skies of this island nation for a few more years but the fact that none will be in the home colors is nothing short of astounding.

Gotta go.

Applause, Applause!

The first time I ever flew wholly within Europe I was treated to a custom that at first frightened the hell out of me. The flight itself was perfectly fine, featuring an exhilarating take-off out of Paris, a long scenic flight across the Atlantic followed by a long and slow glide in to the then relatively new Washington/Dulles International Airport. The TWA 707 touched down with precision handling by the pilots, the engines screamed a little on reverse thrust and the brakes thrummed low as the aerial beast slowed to a smooth canter for the taxi in to the gate. As the deceleration continued so began the strange phenomenon: clapping. What? This was new. I wasn't the most seasoned traveler in the world at the tender age of 13 but I'd been on a few flights before and had never experienced anything like that. To clarify, all of the other flights were wholly within the United States or were military charters loaded with American servicemen and their families. We didn't clap in the United States at the end of any flight, short or long, and especially not in the military. What were these people doing? This was a commercial flight between Europe and the United States. Given the network of connectivity even then it stands to reason it was not crammed only with French and Americans. There had to be people from other European and probably a few Middle Eastern or North African countries on board as well. We had departed from the main hub of Air France, after all, serving the capital of the French Republic along with its attendant former colonies and overseas "departments." Whatever their origin or nationality the majority of the people on this flight were quite accustomed to clapping after landing but it escapes me to this day the exact beginnings of this custom or what specifically the applause was for. Relief? Were they all excited to be once again safely united with terra firma and not vaporized in the atmosphere from an explosive decompression or smoldering in the ruins of a disastrous crash in a field or shopping mall short of the runway or on the side of a mountain someone forgot to consider. The jet age by 1977 was still less than 20 years old with rapid developments in technology that had not all seamlessly come together with more than a few spectacular mishaps to show for it. Excitement? Were they all bursting with joy at being home, on vacation or one stop closer to wherever they were going? This kind of outburst I understood, being unable to contain the joy of being someplace or about to experience something hyper-charged with anticipation, like Christmas morning or a major rock concert. The very air is electric and the thought of finally being there, in that moment, can easily cause unchecked emotions to overflow. Applause would be a very polite and tame expression of sheer joy. Nah. I may have been the young one on this flight but the hardened road warriors who make this hop on a regular basis would hardly be the type to erupt in euphoria simply for landing in Washington, DC, epicenter of international cynicism. So if it wasn't relief at still being alive or excitement at being in the nation's capital, what was the reason behind this sudden outpouring of thanks and gratitude? Perhaps it was all merely to acknowledge the skill of the guy behind the door. Nice flight, nice landing. Thanks! Gotta go.

Climbing Mt. Baggage

You know it's down there but have you ever seen the cargo compartment of an airplane? Why you would want to or even care might be the better question to some, I'm sure. Quite frankly it is the underworld of the airline game that might enlighten you on what truly happens to your luggage once you've left it at the check-in counter.

A picture speaks a thousand words but I thought it might help a little to explain how this stack, which is actually a pretty good stack job, is created. Bags are typically sorted by line of travel and each airline has a unique methodology as to how those sortations are defined but all for the same purpose of getting the bag to the destination with the passenger at the same time. Bags only going to the next destination or "local" go in one section while bags connecting on the same airline go in another section and then bags connecting to other airlines are in a third location.

Once all that is figured out in the baggage room just below the ticket counter the bags are brought out to the flight for loading on to the plane. Here there are two general goals in mind: maintaining the sortation system so the flight will be "worked" quickly at the other end and loaded for weight and balance to burn less fuel during the flight itself. Bags are heavy things so the sortation that produces the most amount of bags for any one category almost always end up in the very back of the plane. The cargo compartments there tend to be the largest on board and allow for the best flying profile of the airplane while it is cruising along the skyways.

All of this is figured out ahead of time so once the actual loading begins it is typically a straightforward process: the biggest bags go on the bottom, the medium bags go on the top, the soft sided bags, fold over garment holders, kiddie bags and other light things that can't bear a lot of weight go on the very top. Voila. The good baggage handlers take extreme pride in creating the tightest possible stack with the most amount of bags in the least amount of space. The guy in the plane calls the shots on what order he (or she) wants the bags sent up the belt as the stacking job begins. Since they are the ones doing all the twisting and lifting in order to create this work of art they also control the pace and speed of delivery unless they're a rookie and don't know any better or some hot shot who needs to be tossed a lesson.

It is very much a team effort to get everything on board in the time allotted and in the best way possible. For the widebodies all of the packing is done in the bagroom but the stacking rules are the same. When the "cans" come out to be loaded it becomes a question of manhandling the things in to position, any one of which can easily weigh a ton or more fully loaded. The rollers in the floor pictured here help a lot but you can imagine in either scenario back problems are a major concern for airline and worker alike.

A tight stack means it won't tip over like some decaying wall of bricks. It also means using the very limited amount of space efficiently so as to fit all the bags on to the plane without wasting space - and affecting the balance of the plane - or worse, leaving bags behind. There's also bragging rights as far as who is the best stacker on duty or on the ramp in general with all kinds of fish stories to go with it. As for Bowser, the family pet? They always leave room inside the door with plenty of fresh air circulating just for him.

Gotta go.

Airline Dining - Such As It Is

For being the first airline to offer inflight meals the dumbest thing I've seen recently from United Airlines was an attempt to charge for meals on overseas flights. At least they backed down after the expected public outcry. As maligned as airline food is, however, a lot of thought goes in to every airline meal even if they are only found on overseas flights these days. Whether you paid two days or two months in advance at least the meals are exactly the same in coach. I also discovered on some airlines that except perhaps for a few extra touches, portion size and the plating style on some airlines there isn't much difference between Business Class and First Class. I mean literally, it's the same cut of steak, maybe a little larger but on a real plate in First Class instead of that oval all-in-one dish you get in the middle cabin. Good thing is, if you're really hungry and the passenger count is light there should be plenty of food for seconds and classier airlines like Singapore and Cathay will deny you nothing, however classless it may be to ask in the first place.

It takes several assembly lines in "flight kitchens" serving major airports to put together tray upon tray of meals, pack them in those skinny service carts and then make each meal is in the right cart for the right cabin and in the right place to be picked up for the right airline and flight on which the meal is featured and rotated that day. Cold foods such as salads and desserts in one line, hot items such as meats and vegetables in another, soups and sauces somewhere else with cutlery and glassware in still another. Special meals have their own preparation areas while, depending on the size of the market, kosher and halal will have their own sections!

Beverages, spirits and enough ice packed in dry ice so it won't melt is the neatest trick to make sure there is enough to handle a 15-18 hour flight because there is no 7-11 at 41,000 feet! Finally, keeping all those logo embossed dishes with unique designs straight adds to the fun as well - soup dishes on Lufthansa or bento boxes on Japan Airlines?

Portion control is the key to "packing" an airline meal. It ensures consistent servings for every customer and absolutely determines the cost of each meal which can range from as little as $8.00 per person in coach to over $200 a piece at the front of the bus where caviar, champagne, steaks and Maine lobster dishes created by the hottest chefs on the planet are the order of the day.

Airlines will sometimes share on their websites what meals are being served on which month and in which direction. It might be apple-glazed chicken on every British Airways flight from London to New York with almond-roasted ahi in the other direction - each and every day for all of October. Most customers don't fly the route every day of the month but they definitely don't want the same meal in both directions. Come November that meal pairing might switch over to the Chicago or South Africa route and so on and so on but there's more. It also has to match the printed menus as well as the manifests printed out for the flight attendants who need to know what to expect and how to heat it all up. Among other things now you have an idea what all that banging around in the galley is for while you're boarding the plane and finding your seat: meals counted and correct!

Logistics and organization are critical at every kitchen but airports like Baltimore with hardly half a dozen international flights a day have it easier than operations like London where nearly every major flag on the planet stops in at least once a week. Airlines also regularly inspect the kitchens to ensure food quality, refrigeration and sanitation requirements are met. Individual travelers have their own opinions about the quantity and quality of the food but everyone agrees that it at least has to be fresh and from as clean a kitchen as possible.

Gotta go.

Popcorn, Bacon and Shoes

You've just worked a hell day on the road. It's the last day in town with an early wake-up call at the hotel to check-out, cram the luggage in to the trunk and make it to the office at a decent hour for the final round of meetings, seminars and conference calls. The suit isn't as fresh as it was four days ago but it will hold for one more use until you can tame the beast at your favorite cleaners back home. The new Stacy Adams or those high as the moon Louboutins that only needed a little breaking in are taking their good sweet time molding to your feet, especially the one that is a half-size too small and "minor discomfort" has morphed in to out and out pain. They have to serve, however, since they're the only pair you brought with you to save room in the luggage.

Day is done, car is returned, boarding is completed and now, finally, a well deserved chance to - NO, DON'T DO IT - kick your shoes off for a well earned stretch of cramped toes, itchy soles and blistered ankles. In this day and age it is all about you and your individual comfort and convenience and danged if you don't have the right within your space on the plane to get as comfortable as possible. Except the obvious reality is that air of any kind, fresh or foul, does not stay within the confines of Seat 15D. Air moves. And it telegraphs the sounds and smells of everything, from the most savory of cooking smells wafting from kitchens and backyard grills to some of the worst offenders in human society: popcorn in the office or bacon in the morning to a fart in church and bad feet on an airplane.

Airplanes are equipped with extremely powerful air filtration systems for both comfort and good health. There is no rolling down a window for a passing breeze at 550MPH and also no escape from whatever contagions other passengers might be carrying. Stale air in an enclosed environment? Not good. The trouble is, with an air "exchange" often advertised at once every three minutes it simply amplifies the stronger smells wafting through the air on their way from the source to the outflow ducts. That means those bloomin' onions rising from your bunions are blowing right past the noses of everyone within at least a five row zone around you.

On any domestic flight I leave my shoes on no matter if it is the first flight of the day and I'm fresh out of the shower or the last flight of the night and even my shoes are tired of my tootsies. On international flights where I'm going to be on board for the next half of a day the shoes are definitely coming off but I observe a few simple preflight rituals before introducing my Size 14s to the rest of the cabin. The feet are thoroughly washed, dried, then massaged in lotion and cooling powder before a fresh pair of socks finish the ritual. Some airlines still offer cabin socks in all classes which are then worn over my own and, lastly, to guarantee maximum comfort as well as odor prevention, I bring a very thick pair of cotton "cushion" socks to wear on top of the other two. If the airline doesn't offer cabin socks in my cabin then the cushion socks are still worn over the first pair I put on at home.

After eight hours in the air the cabin floor is very hard and often cold, to say nothing of the nitrogen swelling the feet endure at high altitudes. Why add odor to the rest of the discomfort? After being mummified for up to 18 hours of pure flying by the time I get to the house or hotel there is most definitely a sweaty sheen on the piddies when the wrappings finally come off. But the doors are closed, there's no one around but me and after that pre-flight ritual, the bouquet is hardly noticeable.

On top of all that, after nearly 24 hours since I last experienced hot water an extremely welcome hot shower is less than 10 steps away.

Gotta go.

Ol' Man DFW - Thanks!

March 3rd officially began the act of moving. I noticed a quiet melancholy in the air as I began stuffing clothes in to the trunk of the car to move across town. The area I was moving from just underneath the sprawling DFW Airport had been my home community for more than 12 years in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and included at least seven different addresses in three cities! When you're trying to start your life sometimes you move around a lot.

I have always loved airplanes and enjoyed living near one of the major air centers of the country, looking skyward to see all that metal lifting in to the sky above me. I wondered where they were going and wished I was tagging along. It was a particular thrill to see the international "heavies" thundering in to the air, the beauty of the plane and the pounding noise of the engines hauling man and machine to the far corners of the world. I was so geeked out about planes that at one famous point I could tell time just by the sight of a plane and the level of the sun in the western sky!

Many would complain about the noise but I gave them little sympathy. The airport was built in what was originally the middle of nowhere, indeed worrying city fathers early on that no one would ever drive that far just to catch a plane to Houston! That "noise" was beautiful to me. I learned to tell the difference between types of airplanes and I also learned to adjust myself around it, like staying in doors with the windows shut to talk on the phone. On days off from work it was fun to sit outside my front door, stereo going in the living room and watching the world beyond being connected to Dallas/Ft. Worth by so many flights leaving all day and nearly all night long.

Clearly the major benefit of living next to an airport is being able to hop a flight fairly quickly without an hour long drive plus having to find expense-friendly parking, etc. My current residence is literally a five minute drive from remote parking or the terminals, depending on whether I'm flying out or picking up a friend. There is a LOT to be said for that, especially if the flight is early in the morning or the last one of the night in to town - I could sleep late and get home quick, both very nice features to have.

I am moving to the northern suburbs of Dallas to share a home with my partner and the dog. It is the first time I will have lived in a house other than my parents, having spent every year of my adult life in apartments, townhouses and condos. No more shared walls, nosy or noisy neighbors or, sadly, free maintenance! It also represents the first time I will cohabitate with someone in over 25 years not to mention never having a pet since I was in the second grade - that was a goldfish.

I'm far more excited and happy than I am nervous about all the changes in my life. I'm moving on, as it were, so it is time to move away from old comforts to face new horizons. Thanks for being an anchor, DFW.

Gotta go.

Plane Spotting under Clear Skies in California

The most elusive commodity in the City of Angels is the very sunshine Los Angeles builds its reputation around. Smog, fog and haze generally rule the air above the city where landing at Los Angeles International Airport in a brown swirl is as routine as the traffic on The 405 just to the east of the field. I lived there in the mid-90s and well remember one day to the next when the sun seemed only to come out at dusk and then just in time to set on the Pacific horizon. The temperature was always as advertised, along with the weather itself, rarely ever a rainy day but the skies above were best viewed after take-off heading back to wherever the disappointed tourist came from.

One Sunday afternoon last December was a day right out of central casting. There was hardly a cloud in the sky and the weather was a comfortable 75 degrees. This is the kind of day the travel brochures boast of and the realtors use to lure unsuspecting citizens in to god awfully pricey real estate. For me I couldn't have dialed up a better day for one of my favorite activities of all time, plane watching.
I'd already been to the beach and captured some glorious sunsets the Friday before, including this one. Saturday was the day for one of the ultimate music fan pilgrimages, a trip to Neverland Ranch to see what I could see of the former home of the late Michael Jackson. Today was a day, relatively speaking, to relax by the side of one of the greatest international airports in the world and watch airplanes from the four corners come and go under text book California sunshine.

"Funeral Hill" on the south side of the airport is in El Segundo just along the surface road that marks the beginning of The 105 freeway running east towards Norwalk. It got this colloquial name due to the Douglas Funeral Home that sits across the road at the top of the hill that offers unfettered views of the entire southern half of LAX. The skies were clear enough to see the "Hollywood" sign and all of downtown while laid out before me were the international gates as well as the terminals for American, Delta, Continental and United.

It was early afternoon and I had largely missed what is known as the "Asian Invasion" when the major Pacific Rim carriers launch for Korea, Japan and China. Air New Zealand and V-Australia were cooling their heels on the west side remote stands waiting to start the journey south long after dark and long after I will have left for the day. I did see China Airlines head in to the sun bound for Taiwan but the real show for me was to be the similar exhibition of European airlines headed east for all the usual places. British Airways and Lufthansa were in plain sight and would surely lift off before the sun set.

Ever since I was a child, so my parents tell me, I always wanted to know "where dat one going?" whenever they took me on an outing to the airport. I've been in love with airplanes ever since. Seeing a recognizable international flag carrier launching in to the sky lifts my spirit and imagination.

I know where dat one is going and I wish I was on it!

Gotta go!

Working the Line - An Airline Career's Meaning

My friend was so excited about the recent profitability of a prospective employer that he could hardly contain himself. His long and painful search for work was heading into its ninth month following a sudden furlough and here at last was a tiny glimmer of light at the end of the aviation tunnel. He worked in the travel industry and had for the past 25 or so years. Despite several conversations to steer him in to a more sustainable profession at least during this most recent ten years of turmoil he resolutely believes there is a future, his future, in the air.

Few industries or professions offer the rewards of the travel industry or the airlines in particular. Hotel workers get free nights but typically only the management staff can afford the airfare to get to the better properties around the country. I would not necessarily imagine too many front desk agents having the ability to take time off in Tahiti at the St. Regis. Airline employees, however, get the kind of perk the rest of the world can only dream of: free or significantly reduced air travel to just about any place on the planet with a runway.

Except places like Tahiti just about every destination on the planet has a full spread of hotels from no star to five star accommodations. That means that anyone from the chief executive to the guy driving the lavatory service vehicle can hop on a plane to Paris or Australia for little more than the cost of a weekend at home. On top of that, the hotels and cruise lines who depend on the airlines to bring customers to their properties and party ships offer attractive discounts as well.

That's a lot to no longer be a part of; more rewarding, however, is the work itself. To be a part of a larger thing that links people, places and products together all across the planet is to surely find great personal satisfaction in each day at the office, be that office a cube at headquarters, the cockpit of an airplane or operations control, the very nerve center of the whale. There is a realistic sense of connectivity to every flight, be it Chicago to Omaha or Los Angeles to London.

This type of work can be defining, even all consuming. Sadly, several hundred thousand employees have lost their jobs in this industry since September 11th. As glamorous as the airline game may be it suffers the boom and bust of every economic cycle like few other industries in existence. Where once it was unthinkable for major airlines to fold, Braniff went first in 1982 followed by Eastern in 1989 and Pan Am in 1991 with nearly every major carrier since then either in and out of bankruptcy or swallowed whole by one of its less wounded peers.

Airline workers in general have been held to flat or reduced incomes for nearly a decade in a business that collectively has lost money since the Wright brothers yet still they soldier on. There are few other jobs out there and certainly none like those related to air travel. Jet fuel runs in the veins, though, and my friend, like so many of his airline brothers and sisters, believes to his core that air travel is too essential to the world we live in and that good times - and hopefully good salaries - will return.

With flight benefits suddenly the niece's 8th birthday back home doesn't have to be missed, the sorority reunion an affordable given and a visit to the home country of the foreign exchange student a no-brainer! With all things being equal wouldn't you like to do the same job you have now, conference calls and all, only for a major airline with the chance at getting away anywhere in the world just about any time you wanted?

Gotta go!

The Agent and the Airline

Probably the oldest fight in the travel industry is the love/hate relationship between vendor and supplier, or the airlines and the travel agencies in particular. How much commission is the service of a travel agent worth is at the core of one of the longest running disputes in business. It has flared up again in a big way between American Airlines and three travel management companies, Orbitz, Expedia and Sabre. Why?

I honestly don't care about the reasons or particulars. The gist is whether or not American is trying to either save money or create an unfair advantage through its Direct Connect reservations link which cuts out the online agencies and therefore cuts them out of their commissions. Well, here's my dirty little secret:

I NEVER BOOK THROUGH THE ONLINE AGENCIES ANYWAY!!!

The agencies deserve compensation for their services this is true but guess what? If the fare is the same on the airline's website as it is on the agency website, I'll buy it directly from the airline. This double take is exactly what is also at the core of the argument. The agencies state this extra step of going directly to the airline website is laborious and not inclusive of the fares offered on the other airlines. Both arguments are true again: it is an extra step and no domestic airline is going to display a competitor's products and prices. Hidden behind this, however, is also the fact that going directly to the airline skips or "by-passes" the agencies who therefore do not collect commissions on tickets booked directly with the carrier.

None of these arguments are the reason I go directly to the airlines. Let's say I'm shopping for fares between home in Dallas and friends in Chicago, a route American serves like no other. I'll take a look at one of the online agencies to see the spread of air fares across all carriers between the two cities. United and American are the only nonstops but Delta and Air Tran might offer a better price if I fly through Atlanta or Memphis. I live near DFW and my friends are near O'Hare so that cuts Southwest out right from the start - they don't serve either airport. Whichever airline offers the best deal after factoring in schedule, convenience and price, I'll go directly to their website and see if the same fare is available directly with them.

The agencies don't want this extra step which takes me all of a few extra minutes to perform. Commissions or no, what it is more important to me is the service level I will get at the airport, plain and simple. Again, why? If the airline is paid directly and then there is an unforeseen travel disruption that changes my itinerary I will receive immediate service from the airline. Too often I have seen instances of travelers with tickets in hand being refused service by the carriers after a disruption of some kind because they didn't write the ticket therefore they don't have the money so they don't have to serve you.

Imagine standing at the airport, boarding pass in hand and being told there is no seat and nothing they can do! The customer is forced to contact their travel agent for alternate arrangements sometimes during the worst of circumstances - the very day of travel! God help you if your travel agent is closed. Even better, try standing in line at Customer Service only to be told to contact your travel agency. Most have hotlines and most are open 24/7 but still.... THEY don't want you to book direct but YOU shouldn't have to go back to them to solve a problem when you're already at the airport face to face with the airline!

Airlines will say this does not happen often and this is true, it does not. The vast majority of agency issued tickets go through with no problems at all even if problems arise in the middle of travel. It DOES happen, however, and typically after there has been a schedule change that forces a rebooking or some other operational change that is "unfortunate or unavoidable" but still leaves the ticket holder high and dry, sometimes far away from home. Since the airline has not receive payment from the agency they are not obligated to provide alternatives. The snottier of the airport staff are quick to point this out as well, saying something like "if you had bought directly with us we'd be able to help you."

Lesson learned and point taken. It's never happened to me and I've always bought directly from the airlines for exactly that reason. They DO have my money and they'd BETTER take care of me.

Gotta go.

The Not-So-Much Savings

We were trying to save money for the upcoming trip back to the Washington DC area for Christmas. American was asking some ridiculous price, again, for nonstop service – can you tell I’m starting to get just slightly annoyed at their pricing approach to the service advantage they have out of DFW? – and wound up buying tickets on AirTran. AirTran used to have nonstop service to Baltimore but pulled out of that market and now ship just about everything through Atlanta just like Delta. Oh well. The savings was worth it was the mindset at the beginning of our journey.

I rarely fly AirTran. The last time was a one-way pick-up flight between Rochester, New York and Tampa, Florida on a direct service that stopped in Baltimore. I wasn’t impressed with the $69 upgrade to “Business Class” since it did not include anything in the way of a full meal, just a wider seat, upgraded soft drinks and free booze but not much else. Between Christmas Eve and New Year's, however, Air Tran would see my bountiful backside on no less than six flights between Texas, Maryland and Massachusetts and back. For the first journey our flights were scheduled to leave Dallas at 1:15PM and arrive in Baltimore after the change in Atlanta at about 6:45 in the evening, about a 4.5 hour journey compared to three hours nonstop on American. Again, we felt the savings would be worth it.

After parking remote and taking the shuttle to the terminal at DFW we checked in for AirTran’s first flight nearly an hour before departure. At the gate we were informed the flight would be about 25 minutes late this Christmas Eve afternoon. Not unusual for one of the busiest travel days of the year but we only had about 45 minutes in Atlanta to make our connecting flight so already the journey of nerves was well underway. Would we make the flight? Would we have to overnight in Atlanta? Who would pay for it? Not the airline, that’s for sure, if the delay was in any way weather related. At least our flights were scheduled to operate from the same terminal for we both knew that if this had been Delta we might have had to transit any one of five different terminals to get to our flight.

We land and park smoothly enough but with only about 25 minutes to catch our flight which, sure enough, had been changed to Terminal C instead of Terminal D where we had arrived. They made an announcement on board our flight as the door was first opened that any passengers going to Baltimore had about 10 minutes to get to the gate as they were holding the flight for us. By “holding” that meant we were in danger of being left behind for the sake of an on time departure to BWI and we’d be stuck out of luck. Not without a fight on Christmas Eve, of course, but stuck just the same.

We made it and the flight pushed out on time only to make it to the runway before the pilot discovered and subsequently shared with us the fact that he could not get the #2 engine started! Back to the gate we go, off the plane to cool our heels for about an hour while maintenance worked to fix the problem or find another airplane. They fixed ours and off we went to Baltimore, landing nearly three hours late at about 9:30PM.

Mom was there to meet us and the hotel still had our room waiting so we hadn’t missed Christmas. The flights back ran exactly according to schedule and this time the upgrade to Business Class was certainly worth the add-on fee. We checked bags of clothes for free so we could carry on the Christmas presents, the extra room was worth it and being served whole cans of soda and bottles of water as opposed to service by the glass in coach was very much appreciated. All for the sake of the savings.

Not too sure I’d do it again, though.

Gotta go.

ZigZagging The Jetways

Wouldn't it be nice if every the cabin floor of ever airplane was level with the boarding lounge of every airport around the world? You laugh but consider the myriad designs of air terminals across the planet and how each must be able to successfully mate with every aircraft type certified to operate there via stairs or environmentally controlled jetbridges. Now consider how flexible those jetbridges have to be in order to work with aircraft as tall as the upper deck of the A380 all the way down to the ramp scraping low-riders of the regional jets.

Flying back to Dallas on one of American Airlines ubiquitous MD-80s, I'd stayed in my seat for much of the three hour flight and like all others on the plane was relieved to land and pull immediately in to the gate. I needed a restroom and there was luggage to collect but first and most importantly I had to see about the arrival ritual of unfolding the body one limb and lumbar at a time. Like a moth emerging from its chrysalis at 6'4" I need to uncoil while others can simply hop up and grab their carry-on items in one swift motion. I make my way to the boarding door towards the front of the aircraft, say the customary thanks and good-byes to the assembled crew and then step on to the slanted ramp intended to smooth the transition between aircraft and jetbridge.

Fail. The guy in front of me immediately careened to his left as the ramp ended and his right foot hit the bridge rising up and in the opposite direction towards the terminal. It was several steps before he could correct his strides to match the angled ramp despite being cold sober. One after the other this same scenario plays out hundreds of thousands of times each day across the globe with the vast majority of travelers not the least bit intoxicated. After sitting and squirming for hours on end in one unnatural position after the other, to walk an 18-inch wide aisle on a flat surface and then negotiate a sharply angled jetbridge is simply too much for many of us.

And too funny! I haven't gone so far as to make enquiries about the angle degrees some bridges must achieve in order to join up with the attending aircraft. I have been witness to more than a few jetbridges frozen in place for being "out of limits" for one reason or another. The angle was too steep because the aircraft was too close or parked too far away for the bridge to telescope that great of a distance. Either scenario can guarantee at least 15-30 minutes before a local engineer can come and reset the device to be used properly; even then it doesn't save some passengers from teetering precariously as soon as they alight!

The longer the flight the more vulnerable to the phenomenon I am, I must admit. This was only a three hour flight from the East Coast to Dallas so I did fairly ok. Coming off of 15 hours from Australia, though? At least it wasn't on tape!

Gotta go.