The Trannies

Hah! And what exactly were you thinking this article would be about? since it portends to be a travel blog then hopefully some of you will know that "trannie" in this context is jargon for "Transcon" or transcontinental service of the nonstop kind from coast to coast. It could also refer to Transatlantic or Transpacific flights but rarely if ever would it refer to something like Transasian or Translatin. A flight from Buenos Aires or Rio to Santiago, Chile would be considered a transcon flight but the distance is not quite four hours of flying time and I'm not sure they even have the term in that part of the world. That said, let's take a look at the three we're most familiar with.

A transcon almost invariably refers to a domestic flight within the United States that leaves from one coast state, flies across the continent and arrives at another coastal state. The primary routes for this would be New York to California with other serious contenders being Boston and Washington, D.C. to California. Others qualify, such as Seattle to Miami or Atlanta to Portland but those markets tend to be smaller and, in the case of Atlanta, the city is not right on the water like Los Angeles, San Diego or San Francisco. Still, Georgia has a coastline so if the good people of the Peach State want to call their Atlanta to the West Coast flights transcons then who am I to begrudge them. Et tu, Charlotte.

The other two are not as US-centric although certainly the United States plays a large role in both markets. When one thinks of a transatlantic service it almost always means from somewhere in the United States to some place in Europe. That is not fair, however, to the other countries that also enjoy nonstop service across the ocean such as Brazil and even Peru, the latter of which supports a nonstop service to Madrid on Iberia. It makes sense the minute you think about it but there are still others as well, such as Buenos Aires to Frankfurt and even Sao Paulo to Cape Town, South Africa, probably one of the loneliest flights on the planet as it is the only regularly scheduled service across the South Atlantic at only three times per week.

Transpac is comparatively easy to decipher: the US and Canada to Asia and Australia/New Zealand. Or is it. What about the flights BETWEEN Asia and the Anzac Region? While vacationing in Auckland, not the largest market in the world, I found nonstop services on offer to Australia (duh), Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Japan and Hong Kong, any one of which could get the average Kiwi the rest of the way to Europe. Wow. Compared to that spread Los Angeles seemed almost a token market despite being the largest of the lot after Australia.

There is a lot of commercial flying out there, a lot of it seemingly concentrated on North America but certainly a respectable amount of it connecting people and places with literally no connections to the United States (or Canada) whatsoever. Know what? If they don't make the headlines you can assume every last one of those flights operated just as safely, too.

Gotta go.

Gas-O-Sene

Airlines live by the economics of unit costs per mile. Using that formula I just filled my car at $3.35 a gallon here in the great but not always cheap state of Texas. A 16-gallon fill-up sets me back right at $54 for regular unleaded. My car's mileage over the course of a week of commuting to work and one or two trips for groceries and essentials is about 350 miles. That is right at 22 miles to the gallon over both highway and city mileage. If it were all highway I can add at least another 60 miles to that total before having to pull up again. An entire year of fuel burn, if I drove the same every week, including vacations, would be 832 gallons at an expense of $2800 for 18,200 miles. In airline breakdown that is 6.5 cents per mile with no change in the price of gas or the mileage driven. Doesn't sound so bad but how does that compare to flying?

This month Qantas will launch direct service from my home town of Dallas/Ft. Worth to Australia, featuring nonstop service to Brisbane with return nonstop service from Sydney. The smallest plane in their fleet that can handle the route is the 747-400ER which is no small bird to begin with. The A380 is too big, there aren't enough of them yet and the ones they have are suffering persistent teething problems with engines and fuel pumps. The new 787 would be perfect to start out but oops, those aren't delivered yet or ready to fly at this writing. The 747 it is and here are a few numbers to toss around for just this one flight that will operate only four days a week.

The -400 version has been around since 1989. It expanded upon the original -100 model to the tune of an additional 2300 miles in range (think of flying 11 hours from Athens to New York and then keep going another six hours to California without stopping). It ships 15,000 more gallons of fuel per flight in order to make that added flying possible and weighs 140,000 pounds more than the first one did for Pan Am back in 1970.

Did I say 15,000 more gallons? Yes, for a total of 63,700 gallons fully loaded for just one flight. And you can bet this flight will have a full load of fuel almost regardless of how many passengers are on board. That kind of fuel would need 76 years to burn for just me and my car but that's not a fair comparison. Spreading that fuel load over 450 passengers and you're talking 145 gallons per person to fly all the way to Australia. At 22 miles per gallon in my car that isn't even half the distance of getting there if driving to Brisbane were even possible!

There are millions of cars in the United States alone much less around the rest of the world. My car seats five but carries only me 95% of the time. Boeing 747s rarely operate with only one paying customer on board though it has happened. As of March 11th, the IATA website indicates the price of jet fuel ran at $3.15 per gallon, 20 cents off of what I paid. At that price Qantas has to shell out over $200,000 per flight for the new service from Dallas, the kind of money that would again take me over 70 years to spend if the price held steady that long. Spread it over 450 paying customers, though, and the cost is $445 per person, each way, about the same as it costs me to drive my car for two months.

I just looked at Qantas' website where the cheapest roundtrip ticket between Dallas and Brisbane is, wait for it, $988 round trip. That's hardly $100 over the total cost of fuel at the IATA price and does not necessarily include surcharges, airport or security fees much less the price of labor for the pilots and flight attendants or even the food. Yes, for 17 hours in the air they do feed you.

Just like you I don't like to pay any more than I have to for gas or the cost of a plane ticket. At the same time it is a bit more understandable when they say "seats are limited."

Gotta go.

Big Bird Cutting Big Teeth

Here we are again, up in arms around the world as the international media gleefully report about what might have happened if Qantas Flight #34 from Singapore to Sydney had dropped from the sky because of an engine explosion shortly after take-off. There were over 450 passengers on board plus 26 crew on board the Airbus A380 aircraft, less than two years in service with the Australian carrier who is famous for having never experienced an aircraft fatality in 60+ years of jet service. Nobody died in the accident, either on board the airplane or on the ground below but that doesn't stop the headline hunters from whipping up - or trying to whip up - a sensation about the possibility of an "unfathomable" tragedy.

I certainly know better than to put undying (sic) faith in the technical advances of aviation. Most of these advances are pre-paid with human tragedy that leads to the improvements usually seen as unnecessary. No one wants to pay for them and the likelihood of such a disaster is remote...until it happens and then, following hand wringing, mourning, litigating and court order a "major breakthrough" is announced and all is right and safe with the world again. Until the next time.

I also have no doubt that as far as was humanly possible during the development of a plane this big, over one million pounds on take-off and can fly up to 8,000 miles nonstop with more than 500 people on its back the whole way, everything conceivable was thought out, tested, re-tested and tested again. Much of this played a key part in the non-accident that took place earlier this week but make no mistake, it was paid for.

Bird strikes have been around since the Wright brothers; not much one can do about that except try and contain the damage a sizable bird would cause if ingested in to an aircraft engine. Other foreign matter such as volcanic ash have also been known to cramp an engine while smaller things as innocuous as a paper clip have also gotten in the way of well laid plans when introduced to a machine purpose built to suck up huge amounts of air but nothing else whatsoever. They're not meant to take in the kinds of things a household vacuum earns its reputation inhaling from the family carpet. All they are built to eat is air.

At the end of the day this may amount to exactly that, little more than a bird strike, as garden variety a mishap as is likely to happen. Take note of the fact that the plane held together, the passenger cabin was not compromised, the other three engines on the beast performed flawlessly, the pilot compensated for the imbalance and landed the cutting edge bird exactly as he was trained to do. A few skittish fliers got more than they bargained for, a few thrill seekers on board (isn't there always at least one) got the ride of a lifetime and no doubt a few self-absorbed suits groused about the inconvenience of it all.

This little teething problem is costing Qantas some cash and a few hits on its reputation but both airplane and airline will bounce back in to the bright blue above; part and parcel of running an airline and breaking in a still new airplane.

Gotta go.

Surprising Sydney

Life is short. There is simply not enough time to do all that is desired so second chances are hard to come by. The first time I went to Sydney I was there for literally one day. I had 24 hours to see and do as much as possible in this fun-loving city in the land down under. My "power tour" included the Opera House, a ferry across the harbor to Manly and an amateur rugby game but a lot was left on the table.

In the Fall of last year I found myself once again in the vicinity and decided to schedule a return visit to get better acquainted. My big concern in going back was a recent spike in reports of ethnic intolerance. Was the famously irreverent Australian sense of humor crossing the line and either not knowing it or worse, not caring? I tell people all the time that Paris is singularly beautiful with or without the equally renowned attitude of the Parisians themselves. Sydney? We'll see.

Landing at 8:30 at night the arrivals hall at Sydney's airport was all but dead. I made it through in less than 15 minutes on a full flight which kicked things off on a very positive note. Testy immigrations officials are not to be played with, especially in Israel or Australia, in this era of global terror and bio-hazards. They couldn't have been friendlier. Likewise the counter staff at both the car rental service and my hotel.

My first stop was Hyde Park, a well tended green space with reflecting pools, walkways, indigenous trees, monuments and strange birds. Surrounded by offices, hotels and coffee shops it is an obvious draw for the worker bees to relax over a light lunch during the week.

Darling Harbour took a huge page from Baltimore's Harbor Place in re-imagining derelict waterfront property. An abandoned backwater has been turned in to high-end real estate, museums, an aquarium, boutique shops and a full range of restaurants from mall-food to upscale steak and seafood. Water is given the full treatment for its place in Sydney history through a creative series of fountains.

Other treats in the city included Chinatown, the Chinese Garden Teahouse in Tumbalong Park and the Royal Botanical Garden with its classic views of the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. I purposely skipped over world famous Bondi Beach and went for Maroubra instead, known to be nearly as large but nowhere near as crowded, favored more by the locals than the jet set and glitterati. A "natural" swimming pool was carved among the rocks on the northern edge with retaining walls and poles that allow swimming in some pretty wild surf without being washed out to sea. On this gray, blustery day at the seaside the bathers were nowhere to be seen but the surfers were out in numbers. Carpe diem, dude!

I like Sydney. It delivers on the reputation of diversion, fun and relaxation with a friendly service culture. I missed out on the Olympic Park but that in itself is not enough to draw me back to the city. The rest of Australia remains to be seen, including Tasmania, Perth and the Great Barrier Reef.

Great white sharks and saltwater crocodiles I can handle. Now if only they can do something about those box jelly fish!

Gotta go.

Mantra From Heaven

I waited a year before booking passage on the brand new Airbus A380. That was a miracle in itself because I wasn't sure at first, like those who first saw the 747 before me, that I wanted to fly on something that big. Having bought a car or two in my time there is good in waiting until they got most if not all of the kinks out of the thing before committing time and body to riding in one. Still, Qantas offered an irresistible fare and my plans dovetailed nicely with booking their A380 service for the return flight to the United States so I said why not? Sadly for them, on this experience I got more than I bargained for.

After a two hour delay followed by a total of five hours of flying our shiny A380 diverted to Melbourne due to a fuel management problem. We cleared customs as "Never Left" travelers then collected our luggage and were trundled off to various hotels in the area to try again in the morning. First Class passengers were sent across the parking lot to the Hilton. It was the closest and they could walk without having to wait for transportation. Business Class were sent to the Holiday Inn while we denizens of the deep in economy were packed off to a local brand of hostelry known as the Mantra.

In a word, it was heaven. Each and every one of us, minus the inconvenience of a 24 hour delay and enduring a bus driver who didn't know how to get there, felt that we received the best of the three accommodations. Only 10 minutes drive from the airport terminal the hotel is a business property despite being miles from downtown and on the edge of a nearby suburb. Check-in was very efficient despite the lateness of the hour and the sudden uptick in business. From the start I had the distinct impression that the Mantra personnel had been through this kind of thing before and knew exactly what to do to move tired and disoriented people with bed and other places on their minds.

The picture of my hotel room should give you an idea of the quality product offered by the Mantra hotel chain. The Mantra was not bedecked in frills and finery being a suburban business oriented but it didn't matter. The king-sized bed was comfortable, including the largest pillows I'd experienced on this entire trip. The bathroom was huge, all facilities and areas were spotlessly clean and the staff completely unperturbed, friendly and efficient in helping this stranded boatload to settle in and get as comfortable as possible for their inconvenience. By 1AM we were all well fed and in bed after a long day of non-flying which for some of us had started the night before thanks to the red-eye from Perth!

Upon check-in at the hotel we were informed that our flight would "try again" at 1PM the following afternoon which gave us an even greater sense of relief. We had no estimated departure information from Qantas leaving us all to wonder if we would only have a few hours of rest before heading back to the airport at the crack of dawn. A full English breakfast awaited us at the civil hour of 9AM with our better informed bus driver returning us to the Melbourne Airport an hour later.

Hopefully the next time, however, the airline will be on schedule and my lodging on purpose!

Gotta go.

Qantas Cleans Up

Round Two. We had tried to fly from Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles, California the day before with the brand new A380 on Qantas. Like all new technological marvels this one was grumpy and didn't feel like flying that day. After nearly six hours on board between boarding, take-off, landing again and deplaning, I and 400 new nearest and dearest friends managed to make it from Sydney to Melbourne, nearly 500 miles in the opposite direction of our destination. After a night at an airport hotel, our continuing saga picks up here:

Saturday, November 7th, Melbourne, Australia (Friday, November 6th, Dallas, Texas)

0839 - I rumble awake after a thoroughly restful night at the Mantra Tullamarine Hotel just five minutes from the Melbourne Airport. A call to the front desk informs me that buses will be around to collect the stranded starting at 1015 for a 1300 departure.

1030 - I'm on the first of several buses back to the terminal and am relatively close to the front of the line for check-in. The regular Melbourne - Los Angeles service on Qantas, a 747-400, was experiencing a rush in business from over 100 diverted passengers who either wanted an earlier flight or nothing to do with the Airbus A380. More room for the rest of us, I said.

1320 - Boarding begins. All of us were far more rested after a night at the hotel than we were yesterday on the original flight. I'd been up seven hours before even boarding the flight at Sydney while others had traveled from as far away as Perth, on the west coast of Australia, to make the connection at Sydney. All around the restaurant at breakfast I observed new friendships and light conversation over our adventure thus far as if on some grounded cruise ship. We shared our stories in a way that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

1339 - The Captain's first announcement and we're a little leery of his voice which thus far has only brought bad news. All systems go, the plane is both cleaned and "clean" and I settle in to my new seat, 83K, for what will be the longest nonstop flight of my life at 8,026 miles. The middle seat is empty and I share my row with a cheerful Canadian TV brand manager on her way back to Toronto after being in Cairns for a family wedding.

We share a laugh over the absolute paucity of television programming options in the South Pacific relative to the US and Canada. On top of that her husband, originally planning to go, had to stay behind for work and ended up enjoying three weeks plus an extra day of hockey season bachelorhood. He doesn't cook so she knew at least the kitchen would be clean but what about those pizza boxes?!

1404 - Lift off. Where I'd booked the flight just to experience the new A380 I was now enjoying my second fully loaded take off in as many days. We take off to the north and bank to the right towards Canberra, the Australian capital city and break out over the ocean between Shell Harbour and Wollongong, 50 miles south of Sydney, a sense of deja vu sweeping over us. Back where we started after an hour of flying and 13 hours to go. Completely re-catered, the menu was either braised lamb or chicken szechuan and this time the bar was open for good.

Between the meal and four movies I chat with the flight attendants and heap praise on them in all seriousness for their professionalism. By their labor agreement half of them did not have to take the trip on the 2nd day. For whatever reason they all agreed, however, and saved all of the passengers at untold additional hours of waiting for replacement staff to get to Melbourne to work the flight. They shared a little dirt with me that of the four A380s in the Qantas fleet, three of them were out of commission on that same day! One was stuck in London, ours in Melbourne and the third, expecting to fly from Sydney to Singapore, had cancelled all together.

We all understood that new airplanes come with teething problems. In this case, fuel was not transferring evenly across all of the tanks. Either the plane would have been "flying wonky (lopsided)" or would have burned too much fuel, never a good thing and especially not on a 14 hour flight! While annoying and costly, the problems eventually get solved and the new planes ultimately turn in to solid workhorses for the airline. I felt safe with both the A380 and with Qantas. Despite the delay and even sitting in coach, the flight was over too soon.

0857 - Touchdown! Sitting in the back of a two-deck airplane and 400 people I'm in no hurry to deplane at Gate 123 in the Tom Bradley International Terminal. Being one of the last to leave actually allowed me to sincerely thank the cabin crew again and chat convivially with the pilot whom I ribbed good-naturedly about his wet runway from the night before. I may not return to the Land Down Under for another two or three years but I let them know they had not lost me as a future customer.

0940 - Customs and Immigration at the notoriously jammed and abrasive LAX was in fact a breeze. Being the last off the plane I'd found a sweet spot between my flight and the next arrival, an All Nippon Airlines flight from Tokyo. I made it through in less than 15 minutes, baggage included.

It wasn't over yet. I still had to go over to the American Airlines terminal to find a flight home to Dallas. Chaos reigned here thanks to the arrival of our delayed flight where a large number of us discovered Qantas had done nothing to rebook onward travel. In both Sydney and later in Melbourne the mindset was "Get to L.A. and deal with it then."

Profit-wise they'd lost their collective shirts on this flight. All the fuel burned in leaving Sydney and returning to Melbourne, flight crew salaries, spoiled catering, hotels and meals and all of this before having to compensate other airlines for protected travel on flights other than those originally booked. I'd paid American for roundtrip transportation only to LA and back but Qantas made me miss my flight home. That meant that they would have to pay American a negotiated flat rate to get me back to Dallas. Discounted maybe, but still more money they were out of pocket for not operating on time.

I was the first such passenger which alerted American to what became a far larger problem, including a few I spotted who must have taken the earlier flight from Melbourne to try and avoid this headache!

Even this, however, didn't really perturb the professionals at American too much. They created a separate line to process the "QF11" people separate from their normal traffic to give everybody a chance to make their flights on time. Since the problem was all on Qantas we were given boarding passes for our respective flights to get us on our way and told that the two airlines would clean up the accounting and paperwork between them later.

1210 - AA#2444 departs for Dallas/Ft. Worth, I'm in 9C, the exit row aisle at the front of the coach cabin, the entire row to myself as a newly minted AAdvantage Gold Frequent Flyer with Priority Access on a flight that was only about two-thirds full.

1655 - Smooth landing in Dallas twenty minutes ahead of schedule and I'm starving, having had nothing to eat since breakfast on Qantas before landing. Dinner on me with a friend who picked me up at the airport at a favorite BBQ restaurant (like there was any other choice?) and I walk through my door over 52 hours after waking up in Sydney two days before.

I'd do it all again in a minute!

Gotta go!

Qantas: Quandary or Quagmire?

OMG, what an adventure! I've just returned from a long-anticipated vacation to New Zealand and Australia. I'm exhausted but very relaxed at the same time. Exhausted, as one might expect, from a combined travel time of over 52 hours, but relaxed from the overall effects of a wondrous two week journey through the South Pacific.

Yes, I said 52+ hours of combined travel time which included two hotels, two airlines, four airports and about 25 hours of sitting on and flying in airplanes. When I travel on vacation I have no worries and take most everything in stride. I had three days to get home and back to work on time so it, the return journey, starts here:

Friday, November 6th, Sydney, Australia (Thursday, November 5th, Dallas, Texas)

0800 - Rise and shine at the Sydney Travelodge Hotel. Have to eat, dress, check-out, return the rental car and check-in for the 3PM Qantas departure on the new A380 to Los Angeles.

1030 - Arrived at the airport to check-in but was told the counters only open four hours before departure. By 1115 I'm checked in and running the gauntlet of duty free shops to the gate.

1410 - Gate 9 finally opens for boarding. Similar to the check-in counters, gates open only just prior to boarding for departures to the U.S. for security purposes.

1430 - Boarding begins 40 minutes prior to scheduled departure for a 1-million pound airplane configured for 450 people in four classes of service over seven zones on two levels. My seat is 70A, a window just at the trailing edge of the impossibly massive left wing.

1520 - The first public address announcement stating why we have not pushed on schedule at 3:10PM: There is a problem with the Fuel Management System. Ok. Fuel management is fairly critical for a 13 hour flight over open water but I had built more than three hours of time in to my transit at LAX so I wasn't particularly worried. We push back at about 1600.

1615 - Back to the gate. Captain still not satisfied with the repairs and wants another look.

1700 - Push again, and nearly two hours from scheduled departure. I'm wondering if the United flight, scheduled only 15 minutes after Qantas but with the venerable 747-400, left on time.

1715 - Southbound take-off, over Botany Bay, slight right hand turn until we clear the coast then left for a northeast track to California. Dinner is served and I went with the beef in red wine instead of "Greek Chicken."

1930 - Roughly halfway across the northernmost reach of the Tasman Sea and due south of Noumea, New Caledonia comes the captain: "I hope you've enjoyed a nice dinner," he says encouragingly. I smell set-up, however. Sure enough, the Fuel Management System has essentially failed. The choice was either divert to Fiji or return to Sydney - we're turning around, he says, and going back.

Some chuckling but mostly grumbling through-out the plane, not only for having to turn around but because the more exotic Fiji was not selected as a place to relax and wait for Qantas to get its act together. Sydney was really the best choice for a host of reasons. We were not in an immediate life-threatening emergency, the maintenance base was at Sydney and, exotic as it may be, the chances of Fiji having enough hotel rooms for a planeload of stranded passengers suddenly dropping in were not as high as Sydney, a city of four million people.

2100 - We're doing "Lazy-8s" just off shore waiting on clearance to land. Rains to the north have shut down Brisbane who has diverted all traffic to Sydney so the skies are full of stranded flights by the time we arrive.

2130 - Rain showers have moved to swallow up Sydney as well. The captain comes on again to announce his decision to divert to Melbourne, another hour away. Why? Because - wait for it - "the runway is wet."

Fits of laughter and outrage fills the plane as we swing southwest and home in on Melbourne, some 450 miles away. Not only that but the cabin crew inform us that the bar is closed. The carts were sealed for landing in Sydney and, once sealed, by law could not be re-opened. They were also on edge and heading in to a defensive strategy, being unsettled at whether or not their airline was being laughed at (yes) or some were just laughing out of good humor (yes) along with those who were bent out of shape over the inconvenience (yes) amid worries about connections at Los Angeles (yes).

2157 - Word has reached the captain that his "wet runway" explanation needed more - a lot more - clarification if he was to save his and the airline's reputation. Were the rains and seas so high that waves were crashing over the embankments and submerging the landing strip? Nope. Simply that wet conditions and a very heavy airplane such as ours don't mix. In just over four hours of flying we had not burned off enough fuel to be light enough to land, including dumping fuel while holding off-shore. The captain explains that he simply did not want to risk being able to stop the plane safely in wet conditions. Melbourne was dry and thus increased his margin of safety. And Melbourne also handled the A380 and would be able to fix the fuel management problem. Fine. The more self-absorbed and indignant among us ate a little crow as we all chuckled for the rest of the flight, still filled with a heady mixture of mirth and madness. Landing indeed, at 10:22PM, took every inch of a dry runway to bring the massive machine to a manageable halt.

2232 - Our gate is occupied. Of course; like anything else could go right this evening? We wait for an Emirates departure to Dubai before parking.

2306 - Deplaning begins. All baggage must be claimed. Where the cabin crew said we would need to fill out "Arrival" forms for Australia we were told by Immigrations that it wasn't necessary since we never truly left the country. "Did Not Depart" was stamped in to our passports and we joined a massive line in Baggage Claim to find out where we would be staying for the evening.

00:52 - I am finally in my hotel room with still no word from Qantas on when we would be departing. We were scooted off to the hotels - our driver needed directions on how to get there - with the understanding that Qantas would call the hotels once they found out the status of the plane and the hotels would inform us once they'd received any word. I knew better than to expect a mechanic at that hour of the night miraculously being on duty or even called in to fix the plane so felt fairly confident we would not be receiving a 6AM wake-up call for an early morning departure.

After a light meal at the hotel restaurant that was comp'd by the airline I went to bed not even bothering to set the alarm or ask for a wake-up call. They could come get me if I didn't wake-up first.

To be humorously continued...

Gotta go!

Flying In The Face of Blackface

And there it is, all the proof that some need about the state of race relations in Australia. A highly offensive skit played out on national television and then sensationalized thanks to global media coverage because a celebrity judge happened to be from a country where such antics died out over half a century ago.

My heart was indeed pained to hear of the infamous "Jackson Jive" skit on Australian television. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I wrestled with the thought of canceling that portion of the trip altogether, extending my stay in New Zealand and only stopping in Sydney long enough to catch my flight to Dallas. Most assuredly others here in the United States would have done exactly that or the "Toldja So" crowd simply reaffirming their intention never to set foot in Australia so long as they live. Then I remembered something a mentor once said.

Individually we are poor, he intoned, but collectively the economic power we carry is impossible to ignore. Is it likely that the borders will be closed and ambassadors recalled between Australia and the United States? Hardly, hearty soul. The simple truth is that without individual travel and cultural exposure there is no opportunity to disprove the negative connotations explicit in ignorant, "innocent fun" such as this. In other words, without dialogue and interaction on common ground the only image they will have is the one they create themselves, as wrong and wrong-headed as it can be.

In to the teeth of this firestorm I am flying today, and on Emirates, no less, the flag carrier of the Middle Eastern nation of the United Arab Emirates. I've just wrapped up ten glorious days in New Zealand driving around the North Island and visiting old friends. My onward itinerary on this two-week vacation only includes three days in Sydney where I'd hardly spent any time previously. I'm looking forward to time on the beach, Mrs. Macquarie's Chair, the Olympic Village, paying my respects to "Dame Crackers" and exploring the music scene post-Little River Band, Men at Work, AC/DC and INXS.

A half century ago is still not all that long in the United States where such matters continue to play out in the work place, the market place and the neighborhoods of this land. Does that mean our Australian cousins are at least 50 years behind the advances realized in America? Can we or even should we use the same scale of history to assess what's going on in the land Down Under?

Again, hardly. I'm not going to Sydney, Australia with suitcases full of pamphlets, affidavits and banners for change. I haven't booked a hall for speeches and testimonials and have no expectations to hold a press conference or have a walk-on at some early morning talk show to give my views on race history and Oz-US relations. I'm a tourist bringing sensible clothing, my iPod and a camera, as any holiday maker would, along with my good character, sense of purpose and, dare I say it, irrepressible optimism!

I'll see what I see when I get there.

Gotta go!

Pinch Me!

Is it really happening? Am I truly about to go on vacation? These and some other questions have been on my mind pretty much since I bought the plane tickets back in March. The biggest question I have been pondering lately, however, is exactly when does a long-anticipated vacation become a reality.

Certainly it's real on the last day in the office and just as real upon driving away from home or stepping on to the airplane, train, or boat that will soon put much mileage between hearth and holiday. For some the adventure becomes a reality when the final destination is decided upon and the initial planning stages have commenced. For others it is only real when the front door is locked and the plane is in the air.

As mentioned I purchased my ticket back in March when air fares to the South Pacific were going at fire sale rates. Indeed, they haven't gotten much higher in the seven months since then but I played my hunch correctly in getting in a near rock bottom levels that have not been seen again. Yay, but with seven months to go before V-Day the time in between served only to school me in what so many go through each and every year: that vacation is a once a year thing that takes all year to save up and prepare for.

So here I am on the cusp of the big event, not quite believing it is finally here and also counting the minutes and mentally "checking out" of work as much as I'm able. Most major projects are on auto-pilot, I've written the instructions for my back-ups while I'm out and, most importantly, finished all the major reservations for my vacation in just one day. Yes, one day.

Traveling alone makes it easy to set up cars and hotels. The bills are paid, the mail service to the house has been suspended, the clothes are bought and the iPod playlists are set. All I have to do now is survive this short week at work, keep my mouth shut and respond to any request with as much decorum and good cheer as I can muster! For me, it seems then that the vacation is now officially real.

I decided on New Zealand and Australia all the way back in February and bought the ticket the following month. That didn't make it real because the plans were seven long months and a few financial challenges away. Just dreaming about going of course doesn't shed any reality on the venture, either. I've put in the hours at work, the money away in savings and the time in planning; now that it is less than five days away and all the reservations have been set, yes, pinch me, it's real. It's finally here, I can't wait and it is certainly shaping up to be all that I would hope for.

Just don't ask me how excited I'll be after boarding the plane, waiting for the cabin door to close and when the 747 finally backs away from the gate!

Gotta go!

Today is The Day!

In a rare Thursday posting I am wishing all of you safety, happiness and good health. No, it's not THE holidays but it is the official start of my long-awaited and much anticipated "holiday" in New Zealand and Australia. Today is the day!

After months of waiting and weeks of pre-planning I still find myself this morning running around tying up loose ends. I forgot until this morning that I still needed to buy a decent pillow for the flight and the hotels. Long days at work meant being up today at 6AM to get laundry done before I can start packing and I still have to cut my hair And Mother Nature never disappoints in bringing two days of rain to the Dallas area to play havoc with American's flight schedule to Los Angeles!

Don't worry, be happy. It's October in North Texas: images like this are not exaggerated or uncommon. They're mesmerizingly beautiful to watch so long as you don't have to work outside or have some place to be. I have and I do.

I nixed the idea of a half day at work both in anticipation of the perfect storm: bad weather, flight delays and any chance of a last minute fire drill in the office. It's raining as I write this, American is a great airline but notoriously bad in operating on time in bad weather and "one-more-thing-I'm-on-my-way-to-a-meeting-and-need-a-quick-and-dirty-report" at work will easily add up to a full day of "As long as you're still here...." Not! I told them they could call me as long as I was in the United States but no more than that!

So here I sit at 7:45AM waiting on the laundry to dry so I can pack for a flight that doesn't leave until 5:00PM. A friend is taking his lunch hour to drive me the 10 minutes to the airport which further helps me get ahead of any delays out of Dallas. My tickets were purchased separately so missing one means neither airline will do anything to protect my itinerary. I've got a free pass to the Admirals' Club so I do not mind whatsoever potentially sitting in LAX for up to 10 hours if that's what it takes to make this all-important flight to New Zealand.

"How long is the flight," I have been asked by one and all. "Well, take-off out of LAX around Midnight, hook a left and then 12 hours straight on 'til morning," I borrow from "Peter Pan." Some roll their eyes at the poetic license while others groan at the thought of the combined flying time. I've done the trip several times before and, as I may have mentioned, refuse to truncate the world based on time spent getting to interesting and uniquely beautiful environs.

Not much more to say from this side of the Pacific other than I've been barely able to contain myself this entire week! I may do the odd posting while I'm away but I'm truly looking forward to simply getting away for several days. Something may pop up, though...ya never know!

Gotta go!

The Vaseline Visa

It took all of about 5 minutes online to complete. From the comfort of my home office, no trip downtown to the consulate or embassy or worse, having to mail off sensitive documents, hope they get there and hope again that they come back in time for the trip itself. No standing in line, praying that all the documents and photos they'll need are on hand and in order. No pulling the wrong forms, filling out the right ones incorrectly or trying and failing to print legibly.

None of that. This was an "ETA," otherwise known as an Electronic Travel Authority, issued by Australia. Somewhat cold and impersonal in not having to interact with a human being but I'll take that trade off for indifferent government workers, crowds, lines and the fact that I didn't have to go anywhere or mail anything off before my upcoming vacation. I mean, literally five minutes of my time and I'm all set for my paperwork to enter the land Down Under. Of course, I'll bring a printed copy of the approval just in case.

I consider my passport to be of greater personal value than my driver's license. To be able to come and go freely from my country and in to others is truly closer to a God-given birthright than simply being a citizen of any one country. Where I do have my passport, which allows me to enter and leave my own nation, some countries also require a visa which is their permission to actually cross their borders. Strange, but there it is.

Stranger still is the seemingly sudden new found wealth that countries have discovered can be had by charging for the privilege of entering their territory. A few go farther still by not only charging to ask permission by way of the visa application fee but charging again for the stamp of approval itself. Where it really seems to have gotten out of hand is the plethora of other charges that come with entering one country or another, on top of any fees and service charges the airline might want as well!

So far no one seems to have begun charging for potable water either onboard or at the final destination but, just as it is fast and easy to use, the Australian ETA is free as of this writing and cheapest to obtain via the do-it-yourself embassy web service at less than $20 to apply. I say apply because the service warns the applicant of no refunds if the request is denied. Otherwise, once approved, so long as the data entered matches that in my passport upon arrival in Australia I should be good to go.

There are some who grouse that ever-increasing fees from both the airlines and the countries we wish to visit will curtail travel in general. It certainly feels that way in the current economy and it also suggests that the fees will not go away once customers are flush with cash again. The truth of the matter from where I sit is that those who wish to travel even in these present times will do so, fees or no fees. And where today's fees are most likely geared towards simply maintaining cash flow, when the economy rebounds, the airlines, hotels, restaurants and attractions will probably raise or introduce new fees to help curb demand.

I just hope more countries who also require visas will catch up to the Australian example and at least make applying for a visa quick and easy, if not necessarily as affordable to obtain.

Gotta go!

Vacation Anticipation

The last six weeks have been fairly stressful at work. Lots of traveling, short deadlines, long hours during the week and more than a handful of weekend hours as well. Then there are the standard conflicting directions and a small shouting match tossed in for good measure. I wouldn't trade it for the obvious alternative, let's just say that right up front. All the same, my long awaited vacation is just around the corner, only four weeks away and surely the longest four weeks of this year. It can't get here fast enough.

In 2007 I hated my career and the direction of my life so I packed up and moved halfway across the country to kick-start everything in a complete personal do-over. In 2008 after six months of unemployment I found the position I hold today but with virtually no discretionary cash I settled for a nephew's four-day wedding cruise to the Bahamas for the one and only vacation of that year. This year Qantas has been giving away tickets to the South Pacific and I copped one for myself to spend two weeks in New Zealand and Australia. More than any other vacation in memory this one is purpose-built to help me feel my life is slowly on track back to some sense of normalcy.

The view is Pukekura Park in New Plymouth, New Zealand. I'm looking forward to seeing it again.

I used to work for the airlines. That means that any given weekend I could be in any corner of the country and more than a few foreign ones while still being able to make it back to work on time Monday morning. Despite having to stand by for every flight I learned how to make the most of a weekend, a holiday weekend, four days over Thanksgiving and, the specialty of the house, turning three chargeable days of vacation in to nine. I could go anywhere in the world anytime I wanted.

I left all of that behind...voluntarily. "Civilians," as we called anyone outside of the business, were lucky to take short trips within their region of the country and save up big for one huge family vacation not including the home-for-the-holidays routine. I'm a civilian. And I'm still trying to figure out how well I am or am not adjusting to having to wait all year for that one big splash, if it can be afforded at all.

It's not necessarily polite in any economy to boast and broadcast long, elaborate or exotic vacation plans where others may not have the means or the time. That is not my intent. My own plans were severely jeopardized after a $1200 car repair bill came my way. All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, up to and including cancelling the trip and swallowing the investment in plane fares already made. Kind of like "Apollo 13" when the center engine cut out prematurely during blast off, I hope that I've just suffered my one glitch for this mission.

When you're down to the last 100 miles of a long road trip those tend to be the longest as well. Can't wait for the journey to be over but still somehow almost regretting that it's coming to an end. Like anyone with time away from work in the offing, I certainly feel that I have earned this opportunity. There is much work to be done between now and then but hell, I'm already feeling like a fourth grader the night before Christmas.....can't half sleep!

Gotta go!

Border Patrol Blues

“Ladies and gentlemen,” the captain started. This can’t be good. We were at least an hour and a half from touchdown in Sydney and the engines had not throttled back, the standard indicator of thank-God-this-is-almost-over. There was no normal reason for him to get chatty this soon.

“Sydney’s airport is closed due to thunderstorms over the field so we are being instructed to divert to Brisbane.” Nice! Others around the cabin moaned and groaned over the inconvenience but I was on the start of a ten-day vacation; I had all the time in the world and I’d never been to the capital of Queensland.

The smiles of anticipation ended pretty much as soon as we landed. We were the 5th international diversion to Brisbane which understandably wasn’t staffed for the sudden uptick in business at immigrations. The authorities were surprisingly efficient in moving the multitudes through the system until they got to me, however, when things slowed down considerably.

Horror stories regarding tightened security at immigrations are on the rise. Everything from mistaken identity to a simple lack of employment are turning away innocent tourists and their much needed money across the planet. My issue at Brisbane wasn’t my employment status but the state of my passport. The immigrations officer scribbled on my immigration card which flagged me for extra questioning. At least they were trying to be discrete instead of dragging the 6’3” American out of the queue.

I absorbed the full broadside of questions in an interview even a hardened criminal might fail. My eight-year old passport featured the old-style picture laminated to the page instead of the laser imprint kind. It was old, beaten up, water-logged and had ink running from under the picture itself, a “clear indicator” of a possible forgery in the eyes of the Brisbane officials.

Right. Multiple stamps, include repeats, from around the world and even inserted pages did nothing to tell them this was just a seasoned tourist on holiday. An “Interpol” link wouldn’t have found anything more threatening about me than a speeding ticket. I was eventually allowed to enter Australia but couldn’t help feeling like that British grandmother at Miami being called an “undesirable.”

Unemployment is not a crime. Neither is simply wanting to see the world but in this or any economy take no chances when it comes to entering a foreign country. Have a passport, period. Then read up on the entry requirements for each country, specifically if visas are also required. Make photocopies in case the original is lost or stolen.

Credit or debit cards usually suffice to show you can support yourself and finally, be ready and able to produce a print-out of your itinerary showing onward or return travel in this day of e-tickets. Even if you are unemployed and want to see the world, let them see when they can expect to see you heading in the other direction.

Gotta go!

Come Go With Me to New Zealand!

New Zealand is like a second home to me. I’ve been traveling to this remarkable island nation for the past 15 years and am very excited to be returning after a three year gap since my last visit.

I plan to post regularly from this unparalleled country as I reconnect with friends I’ve made there over the years and re-discover some of my favorite nooks and crannies of the North Island. This trip also promises new sights and sensations as I plan to spend more time in the Taranaki region along the western side of the island. You may recall this area as having hosted the filming for “The Last Samurai” starring Tom Cruise.

The final itinerary is fairly worked out but it’s always best on trips like this not to schedule every minute of the day. The loose outline thus far is a hodge-podge of airlines and dates but it looks something like this:

Oct. 22, DFW – LAX: American Airlines, 757
Oct. 22, LAX – AKL: Qantas Airways, 747
Oct. 24, First day in Auckland to recover
Oct. 24, AKL-WLG, JetStar, A320 @ 17:10

Oct. 25-Nov. 3 = Driving tour from Wellington to New Plymouth to Auckland, possibly Cape Reinga. Maybe one day in Wellington I’ll take the Interislander across the Cook to Picton for lunch!

Nov. 3, AKL – SYD, Emirates, featuring the A380

Nov.3-6 = Relaxing, if that’s possible, in Sydney. I’ve never seen the Olympic Park and have heard that Maroubra is the undiscovered place to go for time at the beach. Then again, being the airplane geek that I am, a few hours at this beach by the airport would suit me just fine, too!

Nov. 6, SYD – LAX, Qantas, featuring the A380
Nov. 6, LAX – DFW, American Airlines, 767
Fourteen days, four airlines and about four hundred miles of driving, on the left, of course! Then there are the restaurants I hope to visit again:
“Tulsi,” a delightful Indian Bistro named for the Indian basil plant that I enjoy in Wellington.
“Santa Lucia,” a sublime Italian restaurant on Mission Bay in Auckland.
“Mekong Neua,” an artsy Thai and Laotian blend with great soups in Kingsland, Auckland on New North Road.

Finally there is “Tony’s,” a wonderfully eclectic steakhouse on Wellesley in the Auckland CBD that is simply a must-stop on every tour.

I’m already researching new places to add to the list as well but still leaving room for those sinfully decadent meat-pies that bloat the body for less than $2! Oh, and since it’s the late Spring that time of the year, the first wave of beachgoers should be out in numbers!

Gotta go!

Nesting with The Angel of Downy

It was going to be a long flight, there was just no getting around it. Fifteen hours to Australia…in coach. Still, I wasn’t too afraid. They weren’t going to take me alive! I had a plan, unlike so many unprepared folks on this very flight.

The first part was choosing Qantas’ daylight flight, a one o’clock departure that would arrive in Sydney at eight-thirty in the evening the “next day.” Psychologically that seemed a lot shorter than losing all of Tuesday somewhere between Catalina and Tahiti on the regular “two days later” services out of California.

I found my preferred window seat, the second preparation for marathon flying simply so I can prop against the sidewall instead of drooling on my neighbor’s shoulder. Blankets, check, shoes in the overhead, done, the amenity kit (remember those?) and next the music and reading material. Then came the final, grand prize in building my "nest" in coach.

From seemingly nowhere I unfolded “Pillow,” the purest white, fluffiest bedroom pillow that would fit within the confines of my carry-on bag. Encased in 600 thread count linen, Pillow positively reeked of April Fresh Downy, as if it were a 100-proof rinse without a single drop of water. Pillow had to last not only this flight but two weeks of hotels, driving and sailing around the South Pacific!

I caught a few smirking glances coming my way, every piercing stare and squinted glance decrying the sight of such an amateur. Clearly I didn’t have the good sense God gave a blade of grass to buy a neck pillow instead. Obviously I wasn’t sophisticated enough to know that the airlines would provide pillows for flights like this.

Not so much as a Dramamine among them, I smiled to myself as I settled in to my seat and mashed my nose against the window, a ritual I've performed since my earliest memory. My body twitched and rocked with barely controlled anticipation for the adrenalin rush of take-off heralding the start of an incomparable vacation.

We pushed from the terminal, paraded majestically to the end of the runway and roared in to the air in an unusual eastbound take-off over The 405 and central Los Angeles. I held Pillow tightly in my lap as a child would clutch a favorite stuffed animal, smiling out the window as my 747, this favorite of all airplanes, banked smoothly over Long Beach and out over the ocean for the southern track to Sydney.

Six hours later Pillow and I were snoring blithely until it was time for a restroom break. A quick peek out the window showed the seemingly motionless wing with the same two engines right where I'd left them, calmly droning away in to the blue. I entered the aisle to head to the lavatory and noticed even more stares coming my way. This time every venomous stare and hateful sneer had the look of theft and murder in mind.

Dry cabin air carries insidious aromas no matter how many times the air is exchanged to freshen things up. The Angel of Downy had wafted thru that cabin as surely as if it were the 11th Plague of Egypt. I chuckled to myself as I glanced once more towards my seat. Pillow, who would endure many more salacious stares before this trip was over, remained unmolested as I closed the lav door.

I'm going again in October!

Gotta go!

Just Pay the Freight......Please?

Air fares to Australia from the United States have traditionally been some of the highest in the world thanks to the nonstop duopoly that has existed in the market since Pan Am first ran the trip with the 747SP. Eliminating oh-dark-hundred red-eye fueling stops in Hawaii, Tahiti, Fiji or other such places was a premium folks were willing to pay and oh, how the airlines knew it. Until now.

Fact: For many reasons the global economy is dramatically down, business travel is both downgraded and down in general while discretionary travel feels virtually dried up.

Fact: Airlines “net” their revenues down to what’s left over after taxes and non-airline related surcharges and fees. Their argument is that the total fare is not what it seems.

Fact: Customers tend to look at the total outlay, regardless of who gets the money. Few are willing to pay extra to the airline just to match the government fees.

Oh, how the airlines know it. British Airways recently offered fares between New York and London for $156 each way which included nearly all government surcharges and also included two free nights in a central hotel. Competing airlines of course were forced to match the deal.

For its trouble British Airways got virtually nothing, paying out nearly every penny to the authorities and possibly on the hook to the hoteliers in to the bargain. Why? “The plane was going anyway,” meaning they won’t scrap underperforming flights that probably have other traffic booked already. They also hope to either break even or not lose as much as they could have and still secure repeat business in the future.

"Just pay the freight, please?" they beg. It's better to lose a shirt instead of the wardrobe. And flying to Australia now is literally a perfect storm disaster for the airlines and windfall for customers.

Stepped up competition to the South Pacific has certainly helped in addition to the sour economic outlook. If one doesn't mind going back to the good ol' days and stopping in Tahiti or Fiji, Air Tahiti Nui and Air Pacific, respectively, will happily pick up some extra sales. Otherwise, where there were once only two nonstop airlines, today Delta, Qantas, United, V-Australia and Air New Zealand all field nonstops to Australia or New Zealand. Each is absolutely begging for business with firesale rates to Down Under destinations. Since early this year Qantas, the way out in front leader in the marketplace, has had its hands full, changing its rates almost daily, swinging from $229 to $505 each way that I've seen so far.

The economy is in terrible shape. New competition is flooding the market with more seats than the market needs even in good times and some of those airlines (G'day, Qantas!) have massive new aircraft like the A380 to fill. These are the best of times....

Hotels, restaurants and car rental firms are of course equally in the basement. Two years ago roundtrip coach fares were approaching $2000, a total investment that today can easily cover the entire cost of the trip. My own ticket down and back, including Auckland, one domestic New Zealand leg and a flight across "The Ditch" to Sydney came in at barely half that. What?!

Gotta go!

To Look, To Feel, To Fly Better

There is some serious WORK in getting ready for a vacation! Ugh! Never mind the planning for travel, hotels, cars and restaurants. The activities and sightseeing are also not the biggest problem on the plate and we won’t even go there as far as what to wear. Likewise forget the hardware assessment including camera(s), camcorder, iPod or whether to bring or not to bring the laptop. I’m talkin’ ‘bout just plain getting in SHAPE to go on vacation!!

A vast majority of us spend our workaday lives in the usual routine, work, sleep, eat and sometimes a little play. Oh, and the commute. Childcare, too, for the parents and maybe church if it’s not football season. After several months or even a full year of this we’re more than ready to get away until we look down at the rolling spread we’ve acquired. This one does not include scenic views, a pool and landscaping, it needs body shaping!

I love food. Clearly, food loves me, too. To say that I have a long way to go is to be politely understated and thank you in advance for your discretion. In point of fact the trip itself is just as long – a two week driving and hiking tour of New Zealand that includes three days to relax in Sydney.

Like anybody goes to Sydney just to “relax.” Anyway, there are many reasons to get in shape for this trip, not the least of which are better overall health and being able to walk up a hill without needing oxygen or an airlift off the top of the thing. No, almost everything about this trip is a marathon, starting with simply getting there.

The flights between California and New Zealand or Australia take from 12-15 hours to complete nonstop. Add in the fact that I first have to get to Los Angeles from Dallas which is another three hours in the air, and the whole shebang is in coach. With me so far?

Three goals: to look better, feel better and fly better. I have no intention of being told I don’t fit in to a seat much less being personally uncomfortable for that long. I can’t help being tall but that is the only reason I want the guy who has to six next to me for up to 20 hours cringing in horror. I am not buying a second seat all the way to Oz, that’s for damn sure!

Gotta go!