Long Haul Lament

The first 747 was designed to carry almost 400 people from the East Coast of the United States to Europe, basically a double-decker bus on a relatively short haul service. Later versions and even later widebodies stretched those demands to cover the West Coast of America deep in to Central Europe and on "very" long haul flights to Asia. Today there are "Ultra" long haul flights such as New York to Hong Kong and Singapore or Los Angeles to Dubai. Surprisingly few of them today are served by the venerable old bird who started it all in the first place.

Why? Kinda simple, really. The 747 can't make it. Technology and fuel capacity can only do so much and most feel the 747 has been taken literally as far as it can go, the new "Dash-8" series notwithstanding (and that is a model still yet to fly in commercial service so no one really knows). Most of these ultra routes are flown with smaller planes that still have very large fuel capacities, making 16 hours between California and the Middle East a stretch but a doable one.

Qantas, long distance travel master supreme, has recently introduced nonstop service from Sydney to Dallas/Ft. Worth, my hometown. The aircraft they use is a 747-ER for "Extended Range" which means it is stuffed with fuel in every possible location, sacrificing some cargo space but not passenger room. The easy part is that Sydney to Dallas is flown with the wind at its back so the plane gets a nice push most of the way to help bridge the distance. Heading back down south is another story with absolutely no margin for error. Dallas/Ft. Worth is typically a three hour flight to the West Coast from which it is typically a 14-hour flight to get to Australia, three extra hours tacked on to an already long service.

Airline planners typically hope for "blue sky" conditions that will allow a flight to operate as scheduled...most of the time. Trouble is when you advertise nonstop service customers expect and accept no excuses for pulling over to get gas. For a variety of reasons Qantas does not want to stop between Dallas and Australia. Any island along the way such as Hawaii or Fiji will most likely charge exorbitant rates for fuel not to mention fees for landing and using their facilities in to the bargain.

Within a week of inaugurating service a story went out that called Qantas on the carpet for leaving three stuffed baggage containers behind as a weight saving ploy to allow a nonstop flight. It took another 24 hours for the affected customers to be reunited with their belongings. One has to wonder if only the Brisbane customers were affected; I'd hate to think of the mess it would cause if any of those bags were going to other destinations. Will it happen again? Sure, at some point. Has it happened before?

Some time ago in a bid to compete with Qantas to Australia United Airlines offered nonstop service from Los Angeles to Melbourne, also with a 747. It didn't last long because the distance was simply too far for the model United operated. Stops were routinely made in Hawaii for fuel until they finally threw in the towel, red faced from the exertion and humiliation. Melbourne is now only available on United after a scheduled stop in Sydney.

United tried again in a different market, offering nonstops from New York to Hong Kong but learned the same lesson. "Nonstop" service making a "technical" stop in Anchorage damaged their reputation and doomed the service after maybe six months.

Are airlines biting off more than their engines can chew with these extreme routes? Does anybody really want to endure 17-20 hours on an airplane (especially in coach) for the sake of avoiding a connection? One friend of mine sent one of his employees to Sydney from Dallas on assignment recently. That guy deliberately chose a connection via Los Angeles just to avoid the new service altogether. He got to stretch his legs on the ground for a couple of hours and enjoy the new A380 on the way down in to the bargain. Not bad, I say.

Gotta go.

Gas-O-Sene

Airlines live by the economics of unit costs per mile. Using that formula I just filled my car at $3.35 a gallon here in the great but not always cheap state of Texas. A 16-gallon fill-up sets me back right at $54 for regular unleaded. My car's mileage over the course of a week of commuting to work and one or two trips for groceries and essentials is about 350 miles. That is right at 22 miles to the gallon over both highway and city mileage. If it were all highway I can add at least another 60 miles to that total before having to pull up again. An entire year of fuel burn, if I drove the same every week, including vacations, would be 832 gallons at an expense of $2800 for 18,200 miles. In airline breakdown that is 6.5 cents per mile with no change in the price of gas or the mileage driven. Doesn't sound so bad but how does that compare to flying?

This month Qantas will launch direct service from my home town of Dallas/Ft. Worth to Australia, featuring nonstop service to Brisbane with return nonstop service from Sydney. The smallest plane in their fleet that can handle the route is the 747-400ER which is no small bird to begin with. The A380 is too big, there aren't enough of them yet and the ones they have are suffering persistent teething problems with engines and fuel pumps. The new 787 would be perfect to start out but oops, those aren't delivered yet or ready to fly at this writing. The 747 it is and here are a few numbers to toss around for just this one flight that will operate only four days a week.

The -400 version has been around since 1989. It expanded upon the original -100 model to the tune of an additional 2300 miles in range (think of flying 11 hours from Athens to New York and then keep going another six hours to California without stopping). It ships 15,000 more gallons of fuel per flight in order to make that added flying possible and weighs 140,000 pounds more than the first one did for Pan Am back in 1970.

Did I say 15,000 more gallons? Yes, for a total of 63,700 gallons fully loaded for just one flight. And you can bet this flight will have a full load of fuel almost regardless of how many passengers are on board. That kind of fuel would need 76 years to burn for just me and my car but that's not a fair comparison. Spreading that fuel load over 450 passengers and you're talking 145 gallons per person to fly all the way to Australia. At 22 miles per gallon in my car that isn't even half the distance of getting there if driving to Brisbane were even possible!

There are millions of cars in the United States alone much less around the rest of the world. My car seats five but carries only me 95% of the time. Boeing 747s rarely operate with only one paying customer on board though it has happened. As of March 11th, the IATA website indicates the price of jet fuel ran at $3.15 per gallon, 20 cents off of what I paid. At that price Qantas has to shell out over $200,000 per flight for the new service from Dallas, the kind of money that would again take me over 70 years to spend if the price held steady that long. Spread it over 450 paying customers, though, and the cost is $445 per person, each way, about the same as it costs me to drive my car for two months.

I just looked at Qantas' website where the cheapest roundtrip ticket between Dallas and Brisbane is, wait for it, $988 round trip. That's hardly $100 over the total cost of fuel at the IATA price and does not necessarily include surcharges, airport or security fees much less the price of labor for the pilots and flight attendants or even the food. Yes, for 17 hours in the air they do feed you.

Just like you I don't like to pay any more than I have to for gas or the cost of a plane ticket. At the same time it is a bit more understandable when they say "seats are limited."

Gotta go.

Qantas to Dallas

Hooray! Qantas is finally coming to Dallas after a long-awaited and much anticipated announcement to begin service in May of 2011. We all knew the only thing holding them up was an uptick in the economy that would sustain the first non-traditional (anything other than Los Angeles or San Francisco) nonstop service to the land down under. Though in fact the service comes by way of discontinuing their service to San Francisco which freed up the aircraft assets needed to fly the route it is surely welcome news in these here parts.

San Francisco never made much sense simply because it is a United Airlines stronghold, a founding member of the Star Alliance. Qantas has been in bed with American Airlines through oneworld and guess where American’s strongest base is located. No brainer that over 800 silver birds a day launch from Dallas bringing tons of connecting traffic with them. Just like at Los Angeles, the southbound departure to Brisbane which then continues to Sydney doesn’t depart until late at night leaving all day long for traffic to build at Dallas to fill the airplane. Even without much in the way of connecting business the Dallas/Ft Worth area is fourth largest in the country in terms of population at nearly seven million, was recently cited for having more corporate headquarters in the area than New York City and thus has no shortage of the affluent and well-heeled.

Am I invested in this new service in any way? Nope, but I am a fan of Qantas, having flown them on more than one occasion. I also live in the area and have close friends in New Zealand. This service just made it a heck of a lot easier to stay in touch without having to deal with Los Angeles but also continuing to earn AAdvantage frequent flyer miles. There’s not really a lot to complain about regarding this service, scheduled to launch with my favorite airplane, the 747-400 offering coach, premium economy and business class.

Actually there is just one little thing that I’m concerned/curious about and that is the plan to launch nonstop to Brisbane. Sydney is simply too far for the 747, the A380 is too large for the market (not to mention grounded due to engine troubles) and the 787 probably a year away from entering this particular market. Brisbane is all of 276 miles closer and thus within the extreme limit of the range of the plane they’re planning to use. Wow, a whole 276 miles. I remember when United attempted nonstop service from Los Angeles to Melbourne but the equipment they used more often than not had to call in to Honolulu for extra fuel thanks to headwinds, payload or both.

That was a different model 747 that didn’t have the same range as the one Qantas will use but the extreme limits present the same problems with seasonal headwinds and such like. The routing of the flight will take it through Texas west-southwest across Mexico and across Baja California for about four hours before breaking out over the Pacific for the final 13 hours to Brisbane. That routing leaves precious few North American alternates to choose from on this side of the flight if refueling is an unavoidable part of the plan. What’s left after that?

Hawaii would be too far to the north so that leaves Tahiti or Fiji as having air strips and facilities well positioned and capable of handling a middle of the night fuel stop or worse. With that said I am in no way concerned about the safe operation of the service. I only wonder if I may be lucky enough to experience an unscheduled “technical” stop as part of my vacation adventure. There is a solution, though.

Instead of trying to make Brisbane they could fly the route nonstop to New Zealand where my friends are. Auckland is 800 miles closer and comfortably within range of the 747. They could drop me off and then keep going to Sydney from there. But maybe they and Air New Zealand (offering a competing nonstop to Houston to hook up with Continental Airlines) have already thought of that!

Gotta go!

Big Bird Cutting Big Teeth

Here we are again, up in arms around the world as the international media gleefully report about what might have happened if Qantas Flight #34 from Singapore to Sydney had dropped from the sky because of an engine explosion shortly after take-off. There were over 450 passengers on board plus 26 crew on board the Airbus A380 aircraft, less than two years in service with the Australian carrier who is famous for having never experienced an aircraft fatality in 60+ years of jet service. Nobody died in the accident, either on board the airplane or on the ground below but that doesn't stop the headline hunters from whipping up - or trying to whip up - a sensation about the possibility of an "unfathomable" tragedy.

I certainly know better than to put undying (sic) faith in the technical advances of aviation. Most of these advances are pre-paid with human tragedy that leads to the improvements usually seen as unnecessary. No one wants to pay for them and the likelihood of such a disaster is remote...until it happens and then, following hand wringing, mourning, litigating and court order a "major breakthrough" is announced and all is right and safe with the world again. Until the next time.

I also have no doubt that as far as was humanly possible during the development of a plane this big, over one million pounds on take-off and can fly up to 8,000 miles nonstop with more than 500 people on its back the whole way, everything conceivable was thought out, tested, re-tested and tested again. Much of this played a key part in the non-accident that took place earlier this week but make no mistake, it was paid for.

Bird strikes have been around since the Wright brothers; not much one can do about that except try and contain the damage a sizable bird would cause if ingested in to an aircraft engine. Other foreign matter such as volcanic ash have also been known to cramp an engine while smaller things as innocuous as a paper clip have also gotten in the way of well laid plans when introduced to a machine purpose built to suck up huge amounts of air but nothing else whatsoever. They're not meant to take in the kinds of things a household vacuum earns its reputation inhaling from the family carpet. All they are built to eat is air.

At the end of the day this may amount to exactly that, little more than a bird strike, as garden variety a mishap as is likely to happen. Take note of the fact that the plane held together, the passenger cabin was not compromised, the other three engines on the beast performed flawlessly, the pilot compensated for the imbalance and landed the cutting edge bird exactly as he was trained to do. A few skittish fliers got more than they bargained for, a few thrill seekers on board (isn't there always at least one) got the ride of a lifetime and no doubt a few self-absorbed suits groused about the inconvenience of it all.

This little teething problem is costing Qantas some cash and a few hits on its reputation but both airplane and airline will bounce back in to the bright blue above; part and parcel of running an airline and breaking in a still new airplane.

Gotta go.

Mantra From Heaven

I waited a year before booking passage on the brand new Airbus A380. That was a miracle in itself because I wasn't sure at first, like those who first saw the 747 before me, that I wanted to fly on something that big. Having bought a car or two in my time there is good in waiting until they got most if not all of the kinks out of the thing before committing time and body to riding in one. Still, Qantas offered an irresistible fare and my plans dovetailed nicely with booking their A380 service for the return flight to the United States so I said why not? Sadly for them, on this experience I got more than I bargained for.

After a two hour delay followed by a total of five hours of flying our shiny A380 diverted to Melbourne due to a fuel management problem. We cleared customs as "Never Left" travelers then collected our luggage and were trundled off to various hotels in the area to try again in the morning. First Class passengers were sent across the parking lot to the Hilton. It was the closest and they could walk without having to wait for transportation. Business Class were sent to the Holiday Inn while we denizens of the deep in economy were packed off to a local brand of hostelry known as the Mantra.

In a word, it was heaven. Each and every one of us, minus the inconvenience of a 24 hour delay and enduring a bus driver who didn't know how to get there, felt that we received the best of the three accommodations. Only 10 minutes drive from the airport terminal the hotel is a business property despite being miles from downtown and on the edge of a nearby suburb. Check-in was very efficient despite the lateness of the hour and the sudden uptick in business. From the start I had the distinct impression that the Mantra personnel had been through this kind of thing before and knew exactly what to do to move tired and disoriented people with bed and other places on their minds.

The picture of my hotel room should give you an idea of the quality product offered by the Mantra hotel chain. The Mantra was not bedecked in frills and finery being a suburban business oriented but it didn't matter. The king-sized bed was comfortable, including the largest pillows I'd experienced on this entire trip. The bathroom was huge, all facilities and areas were spotlessly clean and the staff completely unperturbed, friendly and efficient in helping this stranded boatload to settle in and get as comfortable as possible for their inconvenience. By 1AM we were all well fed and in bed after a long day of non-flying which for some of us had started the night before thanks to the red-eye from Perth!

Upon check-in at the hotel we were informed that our flight would "try again" at 1PM the following afternoon which gave us an even greater sense of relief. We had no estimated departure information from Qantas leaving us all to wonder if we would only have a few hours of rest before heading back to the airport at the crack of dawn. A full English breakfast awaited us at the civil hour of 9AM with our better informed bus driver returning us to the Melbourne Airport an hour later.

Hopefully the next time, however, the airline will be on schedule and my lodging on purpose!

Gotta go.

Exit Row Excess

It can be really difficult for a grown man of any age or size to contain the child-like glee of finally going on vacation and being at the airport, just itching to get on the plane and get going. This was my frenetic state as I presented myself, the very first of what would be over 400 people flying to Auckland, New Zealand that night on Qantas from Los Angeles. I had purposely scheduled a whopping six-hours in Los Angeles between my connecting flights; I wanted a cushion for any delays but also to be as early as possible to see about getting a better seat.

I'd pre-reserved my preferred seat, a window, at the time of the reservation but it wasn't forward of the wing where I like to sit. I was hoping for better luck the day of departure at the airport but was told again that those seats were not only completely full but reserved for the "premium" economy customers. My current assignment was somewhere along the middle of the wing which didn't offer the best of views even if most of the flight was in the middle of the night. I politely asked what other options there might be for the flight.

They had barely opened for check-in when I arrived so there wasn't a line behind me; that gave the counter agent all the time in the world to indulge me with the all-important selection of a seat for the 12.5 hour flight. This American Airlines agent was professional, courteous and even shared in the infectious humor of the man-child fidgeting excitedly before him. He found the seat that, I thought, would do the trick: an exit row window. Yes!!

Exit rows are usually held until departure time by the airlines and I felt I had found Solomon's gold as he ran my boarding pass. I laughed at the absurdity of Qantas actually charging $130 for the "privilege" of the aisle or even the middle seat in the exit row, feeling they had missed the boat in giving this particular window seat away scot free. Why? There was reduced legroom at the window, the agent explained, because the over-wing door was right in front of it. The compartment attached to it that holds the evacuation slide bulged in enough, they felt, to impede any real comfort and thus "value" in sitting there. Having sat in such seating on other airlines I felt that the legroom was perfectly fine. I forgot that on those occasions I was in Business Class.

When boarding finally begins I race, as much as a crowded aisle will allow, to my coveted seat and promptly saw exactly what the agent was trying to explain from the cues on his computer screen. The slide pouch was about as far from my knees as any other seat in coach would have been. Worse, I didn't even have my own window. This close to the door I had a solid panel next to me with only a hint of the outside world from the window positioned one row behind me. Shhh-ucks!

The saving grace was that my right leg, at least, could stretch its full length in to the space between my seat and the crew jump seat facing towards me from the forward edge of the door. And the married couple seated next to me didn't seem to mind if my leg got a little too friendly with one of theirs during the flight. Or at least they didn't mind enough to say so.
I wonder if they paid the up charge.

Gotta go!

On Demand Is Grand!

Not too long ago I wrote a comment in a different blog that I felt onboard entertainment provided by the airlines was over rated. Even with wood trim, large screen monitors - up to 23" on some airlines in First Class - and all manner of movies and music there didn't appear to be a thing offered by the airlines that could match my own private library. One word: iPod. Another word: laptop.

Onboard entertainment started with those smart enough to bring their own newspaper. The first regular film entertainment began with TWA in only 1961. It was a huge deal to offer two different films on the same flight which involved a lot of cooperative seat swapping in coach if you wanted to see one movie or the other. Throughout the pneumatic headsets were the standard and no one ever programmed more than an hour of music on any given channel.

The first innovations in "On Demand Entertainment" came in First Class with private DVD players and mini-cassettes so passengers could watch what they wanted when they wanted. The only problem was how to prevent theft of the tape or the player! Either way, I still felt that, with enough battery life or a power supply on board, I could enjoy my own, unedited selections at the touch of a button and typically with much better sound quality through my own headsets.

Then I flew Emirates and Qantas and realized that international airlines offer a product the cash-strapped and perpetually stingy US carriers simply can't or refuse to match. Where the 747s on United still have "main screen" films for the entire coach cabin, Emirates and Qantas offer the absolute latest in entertainment options for all classes, steerage included.

On a 14-hour flight from Melbourne to Los Angeles I was able to select from literally hundreds of films, from recent release, old favorites and classics, including both of the first two "Godfather" titles. Television shows ranged from "The Office" to "Are You Being Served" and "Two and a Half Men" and complete CDs featured complete operas to Eric Clapton and Michael Jackson. Then there were the myriad number of video games available. I'm not a video head but I was nonetheless very impressed with the option to "seat share" with anyone else on the plane up to and including creating an onboard "community" of players to play against throughout the flight!

Wow! I don't care about who built the system any one airline is using, I'm just very glad some airlines have them and are including us folks in the back of the bus. The only difference from one class to the next is the size of the screen but even there I was able to enjoy a 10" screen that tilted out from the seatback in front of me. You'd think that on a 14-hour flight there would be plenty of time to sleep? I spent all but two hours of that service watching TV, films, the Air Map of course and generally just playing with the system and getting as much out of it as I could.

Finally, the system even came with the ability to shop for duty free from the comfort of your seat without waiting for the trolley to come up the aisle. All very impressive indeed but if they're smart no airline will allow texting on board.

Can you imagine? "The text is coming from inside the airplane!"

Gotta go!

Qantas Cleans Up

Round Two. We had tried to fly from Sydney, Australia to Los Angeles, California the day before with the brand new A380 on Qantas. Like all new technological marvels this one was grumpy and didn't feel like flying that day. After nearly six hours on board between boarding, take-off, landing again and deplaning, I and 400 new nearest and dearest friends managed to make it from Sydney to Melbourne, nearly 500 miles in the opposite direction of our destination. After a night at an airport hotel, our continuing saga picks up here:

Saturday, November 7th, Melbourne, Australia (Friday, November 6th, Dallas, Texas)

0839 - I rumble awake after a thoroughly restful night at the Mantra Tullamarine Hotel just five minutes from the Melbourne Airport. A call to the front desk informs me that buses will be around to collect the stranded starting at 1015 for a 1300 departure.

1030 - I'm on the first of several buses back to the terminal and am relatively close to the front of the line for check-in. The regular Melbourne - Los Angeles service on Qantas, a 747-400, was experiencing a rush in business from over 100 diverted passengers who either wanted an earlier flight or nothing to do with the Airbus A380. More room for the rest of us, I said.

1320 - Boarding begins. All of us were far more rested after a night at the hotel than we were yesterday on the original flight. I'd been up seven hours before even boarding the flight at Sydney while others had traveled from as far away as Perth, on the west coast of Australia, to make the connection at Sydney. All around the restaurant at breakfast I observed new friendships and light conversation over our adventure thus far as if on some grounded cruise ship. We shared our stories in a way that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

1339 - The Captain's first announcement and we're a little leery of his voice which thus far has only brought bad news. All systems go, the plane is both cleaned and "clean" and I settle in to my new seat, 83K, for what will be the longest nonstop flight of my life at 8,026 miles. The middle seat is empty and I share my row with a cheerful Canadian TV brand manager on her way back to Toronto after being in Cairns for a family wedding.

We share a laugh over the absolute paucity of television programming options in the South Pacific relative to the US and Canada. On top of that her husband, originally planning to go, had to stay behind for work and ended up enjoying three weeks plus an extra day of hockey season bachelorhood. He doesn't cook so she knew at least the kitchen would be clean but what about those pizza boxes?!

1404 - Lift off. Where I'd booked the flight just to experience the new A380 I was now enjoying my second fully loaded take off in as many days. We take off to the north and bank to the right towards Canberra, the Australian capital city and break out over the ocean between Shell Harbour and Wollongong, 50 miles south of Sydney, a sense of deja vu sweeping over us. Back where we started after an hour of flying and 13 hours to go. Completely re-catered, the menu was either braised lamb or chicken szechuan and this time the bar was open for good.

Between the meal and four movies I chat with the flight attendants and heap praise on them in all seriousness for their professionalism. By their labor agreement half of them did not have to take the trip on the 2nd day. For whatever reason they all agreed, however, and saved all of the passengers at untold additional hours of waiting for replacement staff to get to Melbourne to work the flight. They shared a little dirt with me that of the four A380s in the Qantas fleet, three of them were out of commission on that same day! One was stuck in London, ours in Melbourne and the third, expecting to fly from Sydney to Singapore, had cancelled all together.

We all understood that new airplanes come with teething problems. In this case, fuel was not transferring evenly across all of the tanks. Either the plane would have been "flying wonky (lopsided)" or would have burned too much fuel, never a good thing and especially not on a 14 hour flight! While annoying and costly, the problems eventually get solved and the new planes ultimately turn in to solid workhorses for the airline. I felt safe with both the A380 and with Qantas. Despite the delay and even sitting in coach, the flight was over too soon.

0857 - Touchdown! Sitting in the back of a two-deck airplane and 400 people I'm in no hurry to deplane at Gate 123 in the Tom Bradley International Terminal. Being one of the last to leave actually allowed me to sincerely thank the cabin crew again and chat convivially with the pilot whom I ribbed good-naturedly about his wet runway from the night before. I may not return to the Land Down Under for another two or three years but I let them know they had not lost me as a future customer.

0940 - Customs and Immigration at the notoriously jammed and abrasive LAX was in fact a breeze. Being the last off the plane I'd found a sweet spot between my flight and the next arrival, an All Nippon Airlines flight from Tokyo. I made it through in less than 15 minutes, baggage included.

It wasn't over yet. I still had to go over to the American Airlines terminal to find a flight home to Dallas. Chaos reigned here thanks to the arrival of our delayed flight where a large number of us discovered Qantas had done nothing to rebook onward travel. In both Sydney and later in Melbourne the mindset was "Get to L.A. and deal with it then."

Profit-wise they'd lost their collective shirts on this flight. All the fuel burned in leaving Sydney and returning to Melbourne, flight crew salaries, spoiled catering, hotels and meals and all of this before having to compensate other airlines for protected travel on flights other than those originally booked. I'd paid American for roundtrip transportation only to LA and back but Qantas made me miss my flight home. That meant that they would have to pay American a negotiated flat rate to get me back to Dallas. Discounted maybe, but still more money they were out of pocket for not operating on time.

I was the first such passenger which alerted American to what became a far larger problem, including a few I spotted who must have taken the earlier flight from Melbourne to try and avoid this headache!

Even this, however, didn't really perturb the professionals at American too much. They created a separate line to process the "QF11" people separate from their normal traffic to give everybody a chance to make their flights on time. Since the problem was all on Qantas we were given boarding passes for our respective flights to get us on our way and told that the two airlines would clean up the accounting and paperwork between them later.

1210 - AA#2444 departs for Dallas/Ft. Worth, I'm in 9C, the exit row aisle at the front of the coach cabin, the entire row to myself as a newly minted AAdvantage Gold Frequent Flyer with Priority Access on a flight that was only about two-thirds full.

1655 - Smooth landing in Dallas twenty minutes ahead of schedule and I'm starving, having had nothing to eat since breakfast on Qantas before landing. Dinner on me with a friend who picked me up at the airport at a favorite BBQ restaurant (like there was any other choice?) and I walk through my door over 52 hours after waking up in Sydney two days before.

I'd do it all again in a minute!

Gotta go!

Qantas: Quandary or Quagmire?

OMG, what an adventure! I've just returned from a long-anticipated vacation to New Zealand and Australia. I'm exhausted but very relaxed at the same time. Exhausted, as one might expect, from a combined travel time of over 52 hours, but relaxed from the overall effects of a wondrous two week journey through the South Pacific.

Yes, I said 52+ hours of combined travel time which included two hotels, two airlines, four airports and about 25 hours of sitting on and flying in airplanes. When I travel on vacation I have no worries and take most everything in stride. I had three days to get home and back to work on time so it, the return journey, starts here:

Friday, November 6th, Sydney, Australia (Thursday, November 5th, Dallas, Texas)

0800 - Rise and shine at the Sydney Travelodge Hotel. Have to eat, dress, check-out, return the rental car and check-in for the 3PM Qantas departure on the new A380 to Los Angeles.

1030 - Arrived at the airport to check-in but was told the counters only open four hours before departure. By 1115 I'm checked in and running the gauntlet of duty free shops to the gate.

1410 - Gate 9 finally opens for boarding. Similar to the check-in counters, gates open only just prior to boarding for departures to the U.S. for security purposes.

1430 - Boarding begins 40 minutes prior to scheduled departure for a 1-million pound airplane configured for 450 people in four classes of service over seven zones on two levels. My seat is 70A, a window just at the trailing edge of the impossibly massive left wing.

1520 - The first public address announcement stating why we have not pushed on schedule at 3:10PM: There is a problem with the Fuel Management System. Ok. Fuel management is fairly critical for a 13 hour flight over open water but I had built more than three hours of time in to my transit at LAX so I wasn't particularly worried. We push back at about 1600.

1615 - Back to the gate. Captain still not satisfied with the repairs and wants another look.

1700 - Push again, and nearly two hours from scheduled departure. I'm wondering if the United flight, scheduled only 15 minutes after Qantas but with the venerable 747-400, left on time.

1715 - Southbound take-off, over Botany Bay, slight right hand turn until we clear the coast then left for a northeast track to California. Dinner is served and I went with the beef in red wine instead of "Greek Chicken."

1930 - Roughly halfway across the northernmost reach of the Tasman Sea and due south of Noumea, New Caledonia comes the captain: "I hope you've enjoyed a nice dinner," he says encouragingly. I smell set-up, however. Sure enough, the Fuel Management System has essentially failed. The choice was either divert to Fiji or return to Sydney - we're turning around, he says, and going back.

Some chuckling but mostly grumbling through-out the plane, not only for having to turn around but because the more exotic Fiji was not selected as a place to relax and wait for Qantas to get its act together. Sydney was really the best choice for a host of reasons. We were not in an immediate life-threatening emergency, the maintenance base was at Sydney and, exotic as it may be, the chances of Fiji having enough hotel rooms for a planeload of stranded passengers suddenly dropping in were not as high as Sydney, a city of four million people.

2100 - We're doing "Lazy-8s" just off shore waiting on clearance to land. Rains to the north have shut down Brisbane who has diverted all traffic to Sydney so the skies are full of stranded flights by the time we arrive.

2130 - Rain showers have moved to swallow up Sydney as well. The captain comes on again to announce his decision to divert to Melbourne, another hour away. Why? Because - wait for it - "the runway is wet."

Fits of laughter and outrage fills the plane as we swing southwest and home in on Melbourne, some 450 miles away. Not only that but the cabin crew inform us that the bar is closed. The carts were sealed for landing in Sydney and, once sealed, by law could not be re-opened. They were also on edge and heading in to a defensive strategy, being unsettled at whether or not their airline was being laughed at (yes) or some were just laughing out of good humor (yes) along with those who were bent out of shape over the inconvenience (yes) amid worries about connections at Los Angeles (yes).

2157 - Word has reached the captain that his "wet runway" explanation needed more - a lot more - clarification if he was to save his and the airline's reputation. Were the rains and seas so high that waves were crashing over the embankments and submerging the landing strip? Nope. Simply that wet conditions and a very heavy airplane such as ours don't mix. In just over four hours of flying we had not burned off enough fuel to be light enough to land, including dumping fuel while holding off-shore. The captain explains that he simply did not want to risk being able to stop the plane safely in wet conditions. Melbourne was dry and thus increased his margin of safety. And Melbourne also handled the A380 and would be able to fix the fuel management problem. Fine. The more self-absorbed and indignant among us ate a little crow as we all chuckled for the rest of the flight, still filled with a heady mixture of mirth and madness. Landing indeed, at 10:22PM, took every inch of a dry runway to bring the massive machine to a manageable halt.

2232 - Our gate is occupied. Of course; like anything else could go right this evening? We wait for an Emirates departure to Dubai before parking.

2306 - Deplaning begins. All baggage must be claimed. Where the cabin crew said we would need to fill out "Arrival" forms for Australia we were told by Immigrations that it wasn't necessary since we never truly left the country. "Did Not Depart" was stamped in to our passports and we joined a massive line in Baggage Claim to find out where we would be staying for the evening.

00:52 - I am finally in my hotel room with still no word from Qantas on when we would be departing. We were scooted off to the hotels - our driver needed directions on how to get there - with the understanding that Qantas would call the hotels once they found out the status of the plane and the hotels would inform us once they'd received any word. I knew better than to expect a mechanic at that hour of the night miraculously being on duty or even called in to fix the plane so felt fairly confident we would not be receiving a 6AM wake-up call for an early morning departure.

After a light meal at the hotel restaurant that was comp'd by the airline I went to bed not even bothering to set the alarm or ask for a wake-up call. They could come get me if I didn't wake-up first.

To be humorously continued...

Gotta go!

Nesting with The Angel of Downy

It was going to be a long flight, there was just no getting around it. Fifteen hours to Australia…in coach. Still, I wasn’t too afraid. They weren’t going to take me alive! I had a plan, unlike so many unprepared folks on this very flight.

The first part was choosing Qantas’ daylight flight, a one o’clock departure that would arrive in Sydney at eight-thirty in the evening the “next day.” Psychologically that seemed a lot shorter than losing all of Tuesday somewhere between Catalina and Tahiti on the regular “two days later” services out of California.

I found my preferred window seat, the second preparation for marathon flying simply so I can prop against the sidewall instead of drooling on my neighbor’s shoulder. Blankets, check, shoes in the overhead, done, the amenity kit (remember those?) and next the music and reading material. Then came the final, grand prize in building my "nest" in coach.

From seemingly nowhere I unfolded “Pillow,” the purest white, fluffiest bedroom pillow that would fit within the confines of my carry-on bag. Encased in 600 thread count linen, Pillow positively reeked of April Fresh Downy, as if it were a 100-proof rinse without a single drop of water. Pillow had to last not only this flight but two weeks of hotels, driving and sailing around the South Pacific!

I caught a few smirking glances coming my way, every piercing stare and squinted glance decrying the sight of such an amateur. Clearly I didn’t have the good sense God gave a blade of grass to buy a neck pillow instead. Obviously I wasn’t sophisticated enough to know that the airlines would provide pillows for flights like this.

Not so much as a Dramamine among them, I smiled to myself as I settled in to my seat and mashed my nose against the window, a ritual I've performed since my earliest memory. My body twitched and rocked with barely controlled anticipation for the adrenalin rush of take-off heralding the start of an incomparable vacation.

We pushed from the terminal, paraded majestically to the end of the runway and roared in to the air in an unusual eastbound take-off over The 405 and central Los Angeles. I held Pillow tightly in my lap as a child would clutch a favorite stuffed animal, smiling out the window as my 747, this favorite of all airplanes, banked smoothly over Long Beach and out over the ocean for the southern track to Sydney.

Six hours later Pillow and I were snoring blithely until it was time for a restroom break. A quick peek out the window showed the seemingly motionless wing with the same two engines right where I'd left them, calmly droning away in to the blue. I entered the aisle to head to the lavatory and noticed even more stares coming my way. This time every venomous stare and hateful sneer had the look of theft and murder in mind.

Dry cabin air carries insidious aromas no matter how many times the air is exchanged to freshen things up. The Angel of Downy had wafted thru that cabin as surely as if it were the 11th Plague of Egypt. I chuckled to myself as I glanced once more towards my seat. Pillow, who would endure many more salacious stares before this trip was over, remained unmolested as I closed the lav door.

I'm going again in October!

Gotta go!