Language, Y'all, Language!

Every industry has its own language. The jargon and especially the acronyms that save time and syllables are some of the tools that keep conversations quick while trying to remain competitive in the marketplace. Some of the language and terms are entirely for internal consumption as the "BOH" (back of the house) employees devise new products and services to introduce or discuss industry trends and so on. Actually ALL of the language is for internal consumption but some of it can spill over in to the public arena through the simple means of being overheard by the customers being served.

Wanna learn how to speak "airline?" An "ASM" is an available seat mile while an "RPM" is revenue per (seat) mile. One airplane seat on a flight that travels 100 miles = 100 ASMs. Most airplanes don't hold just one seat so that is where the numbers can get mind boggling. One hundred seats flown one hundred miles = 10,000 ASMs; if Dallas to Oklahoma city is 100 miles you get the idea. It is "airline" for simply saying every seat on the flight is available, "open," unsold. The "RPM" comes in after the flight has left and the revenue is spread over those 100 seats whether or not all of them sold and regardless of the fare each seat collected. Almost like roulette every penny collected has to cover the table or in this case, the cabin. One bet (paying passenger) covering the table (the entire flight)? Odds of hitting (making money) are slim, right? More fares, more passengers, mo' money, mo' money, mo' money!

At the airport is where most of the jargon comes in to direct contact with the traveling public. "LOL" is not "laugh out loud" but airline-speak for Little Ol' Lady who is typically traveling alone and needs assistance. Likewise "UM" is short for Unaccompanied Minor who also needs assistance getting from A to B but unless you fall in to one of those special categories terms such as those won't mean much to you. It's the crew language that really gets almost poetic when you hear it, learn it and understand it.

When an airplane parks at the gate it must be physically turned around to point back out to the runway for its next flight. It is a "turnaround" or a "turn" for short. Gate agents, Flight attendants, pilots and ramp crews all have this term in common. For the air crews, working a "Miami Turn" means they're going to Miami and coming straight back. For the ramp an airplane may arrive from Kansas City and "turn" (as in "turn in to...") an outbound to Orange County. Or it could be a "thru" from Nashville to Denver. For the airport gang a "RON" is an aircraft remaining overnight at their facility while the "overnight" part for the pilots and flight attendants gets translated in to a "layover" as part of their 2-, 3- or 4-day "trip." For air crews, a "trip" might sound something like this:

"I picked up a 3-day, Atlanta Boston Turn, Raleigh layover, Detroit, LA, Salt Lake, Dropped the Atlanta - Miami on Day 3 to get in some skiing, picked up a Memphis turn back to Salt Lake, then home to Atlanta on Friday with the next three days off before a Honolulu 3-day and still kept all of my hours!"

We won't get in to the acronyms that make up the core of the business and those are the three-letter codes for each airport serving a given city but some, like LAX or most colorfully, "The ATL" are already part of the public vernacular. In this day of TSA and heightened security crews might be verboten from discussing their business and especially their trip itineraries but at least you may have more of a sense of what they're talking about if they are overheard. Outside of their families, their unions and the state of their airline there's nothing flight crews love to talk about more than the kinds of trips they work.

Gotta go.

The New LAX

Los Angeles needs a new airport. There's very little new about that statement, to be sure, but the fact remains that Los Angeles International is fast running out of room to do what it needs to do in serving the 2nd largest metropolitan area in the United States. So we can concentrate on the uniqueness of "LAX," let's get the other airports in the area out of the way right up front.

Ontario, Burbank, Orange County and Long Beach are "satellites" that serve their immediate area with domestic and some international service to Mexico and Canada. None of them are big enough for much of anything else so the locals are accustomed to driving up to 70 miles to get to LAX where nonstops to Hawaii, Asia, Australia or Europe are readily available. These four have little hope of becoming another Gatwick or Orly for Los Angeles in the way those airports compliment Heathrow at London and Charles de Gaulle at Paris, respectively.

The terminal complex at LAX has been redesigned at least three times from the original concept, including the Tom Bradley International Terminal, the Delta Flight Center and various gate reconfigurations to accommodate the 777 and A380. Another redesign of over one billion dollars is underway to carry the airport for the next 50 years or so. What next? Let's say there will be and the 747s, 777s and A380s of the present day will all be long gone, outliving their usefulness by contemporary standards. Will airports even look or operate the same by then? Before this turns in to a commercial piece on Star Trek, let's go with the technology in hand and figure out what to do with LAX or figure out where to put its replacement.

Palmdale has been bandied about on numerous occasions. It is in the high desert with plenty of land around it that nobody seems much interested in. It is also a good 50 miles north of L.A. past the San Fernando Valley and right next to Edwards AFB, the reason so many seem enamored of the area. Edwards is an active military base that serves as protector of Los Angeles in case of attack, a shuttle landing site and an airplane graveyard. In short, though historically significant to American aviation (Chuck Yeager's breakthrough happened here) on paper it seems, it doesn't have much to do but has a ton of land and plenty of potential to turn in to the kind of commercial facility Los Angeles needs.

The government won't give it up without a fight, the locals don't want to drive there and no airline will support any move to pay for the kind of facility they constantly say they need but is not their responsibility to build. I don't live in the area so all of this is easy and academic to me. I'll put up with Los Angeles until a better solution comes along - some thought it might be El Toro but that hasn't happened either. I say do what the Chinese did in Hong Kong: Spare no expense, go with Edwards, build a freeway and high speed rail network to support it and let the future, unborn tax-payers finish paying for something that was always a part of their lives and therefore no big deal.

Gotta go.

Long Haul Lament

The first 747 was designed to carry almost 400 people from the East Coast of the United States to Europe, basically a double-decker bus on a relatively short haul service. Later versions and even later widebodies stretched those demands to cover the West Coast of America deep in to Central Europe and on "very" long haul flights to Asia. Today there are "Ultra" long haul flights such as New York to Hong Kong and Singapore or Los Angeles to Dubai. Surprisingly few of them today are served by the venerable old bird who started it all in the first place.

Why? Kinda simple, really. The 747 can't make it. Technology and fuel capacity can only do so much and most feel the 747 has been taken literally as far as it can go, the new "Dash-8" series notwithstanding (and that is a model still yet to fly in commercial service so no one really knows). Most of these ultra routes are flown with smaller planes that still have very large fuel capacities, making 16 hours between California and the Middle East a stretch but a doable one.

Qantas, long distance travel master supreme, has recently introduced nonstop service from Sydney to Dallas/Ft. Worth, my hometown. The aircraft they use is a 747-ER for "Extended Range" which means it is stuffed with fuel in every possible location, sacrificing some cargo space but not passenger room. The easy part is that Sydney to Dallas is flown with the wind at its back so the plane gets a nice push most of the way to help bridge the distance. Heading back down south is another story with absolutely no margin for error. Dallas/Ft. Worth is typically a three hour flight to the West Coast from which it is typically a 14-hour flight to get to Australia, three extra hours tacked on to an already long service.

Airline planners typically hope for "blue sky" conditions that will allow a flight to operate as scheduled...most of the time. Trouble is when you advertise nonstop service customers expect and accept no excuses for pulling over to get gas. For a variety of reasons Qantas does not want to stop between Dallas and Australia. Any island along the way such as Hawaii or Fiji will most likely charge exorbitant rates for fuel not to mention fees for landing and using their facilities in to the bargain.

Within a week of inaugurating service a story went out that called Qantas on the carpet for leaving three stuffed baggage containers behind as a weight saving ploy to allow a nonstop flight. It took another 24 hours for the affected customers to be reunited with their belongings. One has to wonder if only the Brisbane customers were affected; I'd hate to think of the mess it would cause if any of those bags were going to other destinations. Will it happen again? Sure, at some point. Has it happened before?

Some time ago in a bid to compete with Qantas to Australia United Airlines offered nonstop service from Los Angeles to Melbourne, also with a 747. It didn't last long because the distance was simply too far for the model United operated. Stops were routinely made in Hawaii for fuel until they finally threw in the towel, red faced from the exertion and humiliation. Melbourne is now only available on United after a scheduled stop in Sydney.

United tried again in a different market, offering nonstops from New York to Hong Kong but learned the same lesson. "Nonstop" service making a "technical" stop in Anchorage damaged their reputation and doomed the service after maybe six months.

Are airlines biting off more than their engines can chew with these extreme routes? Does anybody really want to endure 17-20 hours on an airplane (especially in coach) for the sake of avoiding a connection? One friend of mine sent one of his employees to Sydney from Dallas on assignment recently. That guy deliberately chose a connection via Los Angeles just to avoid the new service altogether. He got to stretch his legs on the ground for a couple of hours and enjoy the new A380 on the way down in to the bargain. Not bad, I say.

Gotta go.

Windows Beware

Take in a show at a live theater and the establishment knows the viewing angle of every seat in the house. They are very careful to point out those seats with a partial or obstructed view so the customers know what they're in for at the point of purchase. Book a "window" seat on an airplane and that is not always what the passenger is going to enjoy, is it?

I booked Qantas to New Zealand a couple years ago and requested the exit row window at the third passenger door over the wing, thinking I had a steal of a seat on my hands. They did not charge an extra fee for the leg room even though the view was 110 feet of metal, I had the sidewall to cuddle up against for the 12-hour flight down south. Nice? Not. The evacuation slide housing jutted in to the space where my legs were supposed to go and all I had was sidewall. The "window" was squarely in the row behind me, forcing my neck to pivot like some drunken owl to see outside if the people in the row behind me decided to leave the shade up in the first place. Lesson learned.

I never like to sit behind the wing of an airplane so when I choose a window seat there's usually an unobstructed view that comes with it. Not so the poor fools who either take what's left or don't know any better, especially when flying on the MD-80 or something similar. On American Airlines there are two rows of seats between the aft galley and the lavatory on the left hand side. Those two rows have windows, the first right next to the engine intake and the second square in the middle of the engine housing itself. How peaceful.

Even in the front, however, things are not guaranteed, as shown by those rows near the entry doors. Some widebodies such as the 767 and 747 run air ducts within the skin of the plane through the sidewalls which forces some rows again to stare at blank panels for the duration of a flight. Heaven help you if you're claustrophobic. To look at the plane from the outside it is easy to see where these window breaks are located. Thanks to the fact that nearly every airline has their own row numbering system, however, it is hard to tell or remember if Row 15 is the one to avoid or Row 21.

You would think that the premium cabins would pay close attention to such details to ensure their best customers always have a window if that is their seat of choice. Think again. The latest cabin designs for some business and first class configurations have angled the seats to what appears to be nearly 45 degrees from vertical. Not facing the window, though, no, but away from the sidewalls with the feet pointed in to the aisle. Really?

Sitting up front is definitely all about the space while the design was probably intended to meet emergency evacuation standards but still. What's the point of the window if my back is to the wall and I have to do the drunken owl neck thing again just to take a look outside? When I wake up from a snooze I like to see if the Milky Way is out there or maybe an island or range of mountains, perhaps.

Then again, I can always ask for a middle or an aisle seat and avoid the problem altogether.

Gotta go.

Sayonara 747-San

I'd already written about the legacy of the Boeing 747 and what it means to me personally. This time however, a couple of things caught my eye that I found more than a little interesting. The first is the coverage given to the Air France A380 collision at JFK with a Comair (Delta) regional jet. Ground collisions happen all the time but this one marks the first official "accident" involving the massive plane at an airport re-jiggered specifically to make room for the great beast. Lots of investigating will take place regarding taxi clearance, which plane might have been out of position, whether or not the ground controller should have cleared the A380 and so on and so on.

When the 747 came on to the scene JFK and other major airports around the world were caught in a similar quandary and that was how to handle the monster on the ground given the current alignment of taxiways, runways and ramp space at the gates. It wasn't so much the width of the fuselage but the height of the access panels, cargo compartments and passenger doors to say nothing of the huge, nearly 200 foot wing span. Moving all of that on the ground gracefully meant considerable investment in upgraded infrastructure, money most airport and airline managers have long since forgotten about and considered worth every penny.

Here comes the A380 with the same issues all over again and the almost Tonka toy treatment it gave to the hapless commuter plane unfortunate enough to be in the way. Were the preparations and improvements sufficient or is more work needed especially around crunch time with more traffic on the ground than was originally planned? We'll find out soon enough. The other interesting tidbit I discovered, getting back to the 747 itself, is a recent small article announcing the last revenue operation of the 747 by Japan Airlines in February.

Not even the domestic "-SR" version remains in the JAL fleet, simply a flabbergasting revelation. Japan Airlines once owned the largest 747 fleet in the world, at one point operating more of this type than any other aircraft in their system. The great plane represented strength, stability, even status to the lay passenger who appreciated and expected the latest in technology along with maximum comfort. The rest of the world was amazed in the early days that a 747 custom built for short-haul sectors in Japan could regularly carry 500+ passengers on a flight so short as that between Tokyo/Haneda and Osaka/Itami, hardly an hour in the air from start to finish. Others still remember the tragic loss of one such 747 operating JAL #123 on that exact route in August of 1985.

The other great Japanese airline, All Nippon, has also pulled its international models but will retain the domestic 747 fleet for a few more years, until 2015 according to the article I read. My one experience with the 747 on a Japanese carrier was a roundtrip flight on All Nippon between Tokyo/Haneda and Okinawa. Coach service both ways, a light snack on board and nothing special other than simply being on the plane which flew smooth and true in both directions.

The 747 was built for heavy international lifting and specifically for extremely dense markets, plenty of which happened to be within Japan itself. There will be 747s over the skies of this island nation for a few more years but the fact that none will be in the home colors is nothing short of astounding.

Gotta go.

Applause, Applause!

The first time I ever flew wholly within Europe I was treated to a custom that at first frightened the hell out of me. The flight itself was perfectly fine, featuring an exhilarating take-off out of Paris, a long scenic flight across the Atlantic followed by a long and slow glide in to the then relatively new Washington/Dulles International Airport. The TWA 707 touched down with precision handling by the pilots, the engines screamed a little on reverse thrust and the brakes thrummed low as the aerial beast slowed to a smooth canter for the taxi in to the gate. As the deceleration continued so began the strange phenomenon: clapping. What? This was new. I wasn't the most seasoned traveler in the world at the tender age of 13 but I'd been on a few flights before and had never experienced anything like that. To clarify, all of the other flights were wholly within the United States or were military charters loaded with American servicemen and their families. We didn't clap in the United States at the end of any flight, short or long, and especially not in the military. What were these people doing? This was a commercial flight between Europe and the United States. Given the network of connectivity even then it stands to reason it was not crammed only with French and Americans. There had to be people from other European and probably a few Middle Eastern or North African countries on board as well. We had departed from the main hub of Air France, after all, serving the capital of the French Republic along with its attendant former colonies and overseas "departments." Whatever their origin or nationality the majority of the people on this flight were quite accustomed to clapping after landing but it escapes me to this day the exact beginnings of this custom or what specifically the applause was for. Relief? Were they all excited to be once again safely united with terra firma and not vaporized in the atmosphere from an explosive decompression or smoldering in the ruins of a disastrous crash in a field or shopping mall short of the runway or on the side of a mountain someone forgot to consider. The jet age by 1977 was still less than 20 years old with rapid developments in technology that had not all seamlessly come together with more than a few spectacular mishaps to show for it. Excitement? Were they all bursting with joy at being home, on vacation or one stop closer to wherever they were going? This kind of outburst I understood, being unable to contain the joy of being someplace or about to experience something hyper-charged with anticipation, like Christmas morning or a major rock concert. The very air is electric and the thought of finally being there, in that moment, can easily cause unchecked emotions to overflow. Applause would be a very polite and tame expression of sheer joy. Nah. I may have been the young one on this flight but the hardened road warriors who make this hop on a regular basis would hardly be the type to erupt in euphoria simply for landing in Washington, DC, epicenter of international cynicism. So if it wasn't relief at still being alive or excitement at being in the nation's capital, what was the reason behind this sudden outpouring of thanks and gratitude? Perhaps it was all merely to acknowledge the skill of the guy behind the door. Nice flight, nice landing. Thanks! Gotta go.

Popcorn, Bacon and Shoes

You've just worked a hell day on the road. It's the last day in town with an early wake-up call at the hotel to check-out, cram the luggage in to the trunk and make it to the office at a decent hour for the final round of meetings, seminars and conference calls. The suit isn't as fresh as it was four days ago but it will hold for one more use until you can tame the beast at your favorite cleaners back home. The new Stacy Adams or those high as the moon Louboutins that only needed a little breaking in are taking their good sweet time molding to your feet, especially the one that is a half-size too small and "minor discomfort" has morphed in to out and out pain. They have to serve, however, since they're the only pair you brought with you to save room in the luggage.

Day is done, car is returned, boarding is completed and now, finally, a well deserved chance to - NO, DON'T DO IT - kick your shoes off for a well earned stretch of cramped toes, itchy soles and blistered ankles. In this day and age it is all about you and your individual comfort and convenience and danged if you don't have the right within your space on the plane to get as comfortable as possible. Except the obvious reality is that air of any kind, fresh or foul, does not stay within the confines of Seat 15D. Air moves. And it telegraphs the sounds and smells of everything, from the most savory of cooking smells wafting from kitchens and backyard grills to some of the worst offenders in human society: popcorn in the office or bacon in the morning to a fart in church and bad feet on an airplane.

Airplanes are equipped with extremely powerful air filtration systems for both comfort and good health. There is no rolling down a window for a passing breeze at 550MPH and also no escape from whatever contagions other passengers might be carrying. Stale air in an enclosed environment? Not good. The trouble is, with an air "exchange" often advertised at once every three minutes it simply amplifies the stronger smells wafting through the air on their way from the source to the outflow ducts. That means those bloomin' onions rising from your bunions are blowing right past the noses of everyone within at least a five row zone around you.

On any domestic flight I leave my shoes on no matter if it is the first flight of the day and I'm fresh out of the shower or the last flight of the night and even my shoes are tired of my tootsies. On international flights where I'm going to be on board for the next half of a day the shoes are definitely coming off but I observe a few simple preflight rituals before introducing my Size 14s to the rest of the cabin. The feet are thoroughly washed, dried, then massaged in lotion and cooling powder before a fresh pair of socks finish the ritual. Some airlines still offer cabin socks in all classes which are then worn over my own and, lastly, to guarantee maximum comfort as well as odor prevention, I bring a very thick pair of cotton "cushion" socks to wear on top of the other two. If the airline doesn't offer cabin socks in my cabin then the cushion socks are still worn over the first pair I put on at home.

After eight hours in the air the cabin floor is very hard and often cold, to say nothing of the nitrogen swelling the feet endure at high altitudes. Why add odor to the rest of the discomfort? After being mummified for up to 18 hours of pure flying by the time I get to the house or hotel there is most definitely a sweaty sheen on the piddies when the wrappings finally come off. But the doors are closed, there's no one around but me and after that pre-flight ritual, the bouquet is hardly noticeable.

On top of all that, after nearly 24 hours since I last experienced hot water an extremely welcome hot shower is less than 10 steps away.

Gotta go.

Ol' Man DFW - Thanks!

March 3rd officially began the act of moving. I noticed a quiet melancholy in the air as I began stuffing clothes in to the trunk of the car to move across town. The area I was moving from just underneath the sprawling DFW Airport had been my home community for more than 12 years in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and included at least seven different addresses in three cities! When you're trying to start your life sometimes you move around a lot.

I have always loved airplanes and enjoyed living near one of the major air centers of the country, looking skyward to see all that metal lifting in to the sky above me. I wondered where they were going and wished I was tagging along. It was a particular thrill to see the international "heavies" thundering in to the air, the beauty of the plane and the pounding noise of the engines hauling man and machine to the far corners of the world. I was so geeked out about planes that at one famous point I could tell time just by the sight of a plane and the level of the sun in the western sky!

Many would complain about the noise but I gave them little sympathy. The airport was built in what was originally the middle of nowhere, indeed worrying city fathers early on that no one would ever drive that far just to catch a plane to Houston! That "noise" was beautiful to me. I learned to tell the difference between types of airplanes and I also learned to adjust myself around it, like staying in doors with the windows shut to talk on the phone. On days off from work it was fun to sit outside my front door, stereo going in the living room and watching the world beyond being connected to Dallas/Ft. Worth by so many flights leaving all day and nearly all night long.

Clearly the major benefit of living next to an airport is being able to hop a flight fairly quickly without an hour long drive plus having to find expense-friendly parking, etc. My current residence is literally a five minute drive from remote parking or the terminals, depending on whether I'm flying out or picking up a friend. There is a LOT to be said for that, especially if the flight is early in the morning or the last one of the night in to town - I could sleep late and get home quick, both very nice features to have.

I am moving to the northern suburbs of Dallas to share a home with my partner and the dog. It is the first time I will have lived in a house other than my parents, having spent every year of my adult life in apartments, townhouses and condos. No more shared walls, nosy or noisy neighbors or, sadly, free maintenance! It also represents the first time I will cohabitate with someone in over 25 years not to mention never having a pet since I was in the second grade - that was a goldfish.

I'm far more excited and happy than I am nervous about all the changes in my life. I'm moving on, as it were, so it is time to move away from old comforts to face new horizons. Thanks for being an anchor, DFW.

Gotta go.

Plane Spotting under Clear Skies in California

The most elusive commodity in the City of Angels is the very sunshine Los Angeles builds its reputation around. Smog, fog and haze generally rule the air above the city where landing at Los Angeles International Airport in a brown swirl is as routine as the traffic on The 405 just to the east of the field. I lived there in the mid-90s and well remember one day to the next when the sun seemed only to come out at dusk and then just in time to set on the Pacific horizon. The temperature was always as advertised, along with the weather itself, rarely ever a rainy day but the skies above were best viewed after take-off heading back to wherever the disappointed tourist came from.

One Sunday afternoon last December was a day right out of central casting. There was hardly a cloud in the sky and the weather was a comfortable 75 degrees. This is the kind of day the travel brochures boast of and the realtors use to lure unsuspecting citizens in to god awfully pricey real estate. For me I couldn't have dialed up a better day for one of my favorite activities of all time, plane watching.
I'd already been to the beach and captured some glorious sunsets the Friday before, including this one. Saturday was the day for one of the ultimate music fan pilgrimages, a trip to Neverland Ranch to see what I could see of the former home of the late Michael Jackson. Today was a day, relatively speaking, to relax by the side of one of the greatest international airports in the world and watch airplanes from the four corners come and go under text book California sunshine.

"Funeral Hill" on the south side of the airport is in El Segundo just along the surface road that marks the beginning of The 105 freeway running east towards Norwalk. It got this colloquial name due to the Douglas Funeral Home that sits across the road at the top of the hill that offers unfettered views of the entire southern half of LAX. The skies were clear enough to see the "Hollywood" sign and all of downtown while laid out before me were the international gates as well as the terminals for American, Delta, Continental and United.

It was early afternoon and I had largely missed what is known as the "Asian Invasion" when the major Pacific Rim carriers launch for Korea, Japan and China. Air New Zealand and V-Australia were cooling their heels on the west side remote stands waiting to start the journey south long after dark and long after I will have left for the day. I did see China Airlines head in to the sun bound for Taiwan but the real show for me was to be the similar exhibition of European airlines headed east for all the usual places. British Airways and Lufthansa were in plain sight and would surely lift off before the sun set.

Ever since I was a child, so my parents tell me, I always wanted to know "where dat one going?" whenever they took me on an outing to the airport. I've been in love with airplanes ever since. Seeing a recognizable international flag carrier launching in to the sky lifts my spirit and imagination.

I know where dat one is going and I wish I was on it!

Gotta go!

Short Flights Are the Longest

Everyone has tales of mayhem, madness and misery revolving around air travel including yours, truly. Some hate to fly, others are afraid to fly and then there are those who expect something for nothing. Layered in to that, of course, are the transcon flights stuck in a middle seat, the ten-hour flight to Europe next to a spoiled brat or screaming baby or the nightmare lines at check-in, security and baggage claim after a six hour delay for mechanicals and bad weather. Nothing starts a conversation among strangers like the shared, often embellished but just as frequently true and horrific stories of flying these days.

I'm kind of strange in that the longest flights in the world are the ones I enjoy the most, even in coach. I've flown London to San Francisco, Frankfurt to Chicago and both Melbourne and Sydney to Los Angeles in the back of the bus, none of which were my preference but all of which I survived just fine and would do again with no hesitation if meant staying home or going to Rome.

The longest flight in any class was Los Angeles to Hong Kong, a 15-hour haul that chased the sun from 1PM in California to about 8PM on arrival with scenic views of Yosemite National Park, Alaska and Siberia on the way over. Plenty of legroom, a flat-bed seat, no neighbor to step over or seatback leaning in to my lap. The upper classes are unquestionably better than being crammed in to a "slimline" Barcalounger that may or may not have a foot rest which is really little more than a road hazard on the way to the aisle.

Most seasoned travelers have their unique ways of coping with the drudgery of long-haul flying. One friend of mine from college took two Dramamine, drank a half bottle of wine and then pulled the blanket over his head with instructions not to be disturbed until landing. Others, like me, bring any amount of work, reading, music or videos to watch in case the inflight system is beyond dull, out of date or out of order. For me, the simplest method on top of all of these is to simply and quite seriously sit back, relax and enjoy the ten to twelve hours you're out of touch with the world.

Being anxious on a long-haul flight is counter-intuitive; fidgeting is most certainly not going to burn time any faster. Where I run in to trouble is being anxious on flights that aren't scheduled for longer than an hour and a half. As soon as I get on the plane I'm ready to get off and be where I'm supposed to be. The inevitable long taxi times to and from the runway, the endless circling to land and the wonder if the flight attendants will have time to pour me a drink all add up to the truest misery of air travel for me. Then comes today's realities of two hours before departure for the formalities, time at the destination for luggage and rental car?

I don't mind investing up to five hours of ground time on both ends for a flight that lasts three times as long. If flying were an ATM experience the "fee" for an international flight would still be a ridiculous 33% on top of the principle but two hours in advance of a 45-minute flight on the Shuttle?

I'd rather drive.

Gotta go!

Big Bird Cutting Big Teeth

Here we are again, up in arms around the world as the international media gleefully report about what might have happened if Qantas Flight #34 from Singapore to Sydney had dropped from the sky because of an engine explosion shortly after take-off. There were over 450 passengers on board plus 26 crew on board the Airbus A380 aircraft, less than two years in service with the Australian carrier who is famous for having never experienced an aircraft fatality in 60+ years of jet service. Nobody died in the accident, either on board the airplane or on the ground below but that doesn't stop the headline hunters from whipping up - or trying to whip up - a sensation about the possibility of an "unfathomable" tragedy.

I certainly know better than to put undying (sic) faith in the technical advances of aviation. Most of these advances are pre-paid with human tragedy that leads to the improvements usually seen as unnecessary. No one wants to pay for them and the likelihood of such a disaster is remote...until it happens and then, following hand wringing, mourning, litigating and court order a "major breakthrough" is announced and all is right and safe with the world again. Until the next time.

I also have no doubt that as far as was humanly possible during the development of a plane this big, over one million pounds on take-off and can fly up to 8,000 miles nonstop with more than 500 people on its back the whole way, everything conceivable was thought out, tested, re-tested and tested again. Much of this played a key part in the non-accident that took place earlier this week but make no mistake, it was paid for.

Bird strikes have been around since the Wright brothers; not much one can do about that except try and contain the damage a sizable bird would cause if ingested in to an aircraft engine. Other foreign matter such as volcanic ash have also been known to cramp an engine while smaller things as innocuous as a paper clip have also gotten in the way of well laid plans when introduced to a machine purpose built to suck up huge amounts of air but nothing else whatsoever. They're not meant to take in the kinds of things a household vacuum earns its reputation inhaling from the family carpet. All they are built to eat is air.

At the end of the day this may amount to exactly that, little more than a bird strike, as garden variety a mishap as is likely to happen. Take note of the fact that the plane held together, the passenger cabin was not compromised, the other three engines on the beast performed flawlessly, the pilot compensated for the imbalance and landed the cutting edge bird exactly as he was trained to do. A few skittish fliers got more than they bargained for, a few thrill seekers on board (isn't there always at least one) got the ride of a lifetime and no doubt a few self-absorbed suits groused about the inconvenience of it all.

This little teething problem is costing Qantas some cash and a few hits on its reputation but both airplane and airline will bounce back in to the bright blue above; part and parcel of running an airline and breaking in a still new airplane.

Gotta go.

Fly Emirates

Fly Emirates. For those with limited time who don't have the time to read any farther, take my word for it and fly this airline.

Based in the Persian Gulf at Dubai, one of the seven emirates that comprise the United Arab Emirates, this airline has made a Hollywood splash, some might say spectacle, of itself ever since it started flying. It is the current record holder of the largest order for the largest airplane, the A380, in the world with at least 54 confirmed copies under contract. This for an airline serving a home population of less than 2.5 million.

The answer to the "What are they thinking" question is the strategy to position itself as a viable connecting point between Europe and India, southeast Asia and Australia/New Zealand. Add on to that their pricing strategy of undercutting the established carriers by up to 20% and so far the plan seems to be working. The story goes they are out-carrying the Indian airlines despite being four hours flying time off shore!

On the occasion I experienced them I bought an $88 one-way ticket between Auckland, New Zealand and Sydney, Australia as part of a vacation tour of the region. I sacrificed any frequent flyer miles I might have earned on oneworld via Qantas but felt it was worth it to try both the airline and the airplane, the new A380 for the first and possibly only time. Uh..was it ever!

The entire main deck of the Emirates A380 is coach so I was able to sit in front of the wing just beside the staircase leading to First Class on the 2nd level. Mood lighting soothed passengers during boarding and changed during our short 2.5 hour flight to fit the position of the sun and whatever service was underway at the time. Hot towels were passed out and the crew even came around with a camera offering to snap commemorative photos of their journey, cruise-ship style but for free!

I lost count at the number of languages represented by the cabin crew, covering bases from Tagalog and Mandarin to Farsi, Portuguese, German, Korean, Japanese, English, Spanish, Arabic of course and French. The A380 at nearly 500 seats is far too large for the Tasman market - see if you can spot the guy at the back of the plane loading cargo containers - but was respectably booked at nearly 180 passengers. What Emirates has put IN to this airplane, though, defies all imagination, starting with ten inch monitors in each seat back, individual 110v lap top power for each passenger, individual telephone/game controller and even a USB port to charge up the iPod or view vacation pictures right from your camera before you even get home! Could it get any better?

Yup. A full meal was offered on the short leg which included complimentary wines and spirits but the showstopper was the entertainment system. A few hundred movie, TV and concert performances to choose from, several hundred COMPLETE CDs and, unbelievably, tons of video games to play that could even be networked with other seats on the plane! Since all this was in "steerage" I didn't see the stand-up bar or private showers upstairs for the First Class folks but at least my lavatory was trimmed in wood paneling so I wouldn't feel too left out.

The state of the Dubai economy is presently not what its visionary leaders envisioned. Whether or not Emirates itself ends up a modern day Braniff International because of it - too much, too quickly - remains to be seen. For now they offer the pinnacle of service and comfort to a degree neither seen or expected, for economy class, certainly, and at exactly the right combination one could wish for: luxury for less.



Shokran, Emirates!

Gotta go!

Cloudy Beauty

We've all been there. The winter overcast that just hangs in the sky, blotting out the sun and hovering barely over the rooftops, sometimes just lying there and sometimes swirling and churning with the promise of some kind of deluge, be it ice, rain, snow or a combination of all three. "The Gray Days" they are sometimes called, adding to the misery and depression of an already ugly day. Oh woe are we bemoan the multitudes, when will it ever end? Is there no beauty left in the world, we ask, as we trundle to work listening to traffic reports and ever more worrisome noise from the stock markets.

What a fantastic day for flying! There are simply very few sensations most people can experience that bring a feeling of escape, a rush of breaking free and a true aura of getting away than breaking through a layer of clouds on "climb-out" from the airport. The rush from racing down the runway, the tickle in the stomach at lift off, the mystery of what lies above and beyond the clouds and, finally, the burst in to pure sunlight, blue sky all around and the endless horizon all add up to an uplifting thrill ride, something out of seemingly nothing in the everyday routine of going from A to B.

I can't remember when it was but seeing my first airplane soaring through the air was a life-changing event for me. Actually flying for the first time nailed the love of flying home and breaking through the clouds has always been the signature moment of the entire experience. It says beyond a shadow of a doubt that there has been a change from the familiarity of being on the ground to the alien, potentially hostile yet stunningly beautiful world of the sky. We are visitors to this place for only a little while, the length of that flight and no more. Enjoy it while you can.

Of course, an monotonous stretch of clouds from beginning to end can be about as thrilling as two weeks of open ocean with no ports of call to break up the routine. There is nothing good about flying over the Alps, knowing that they are right below you but covered in that once thrilling and now obstructive layer of clouds. Stars in the night sky, holiday fireworks or the urban lights of a major city are also fun things to see but that also means that once the big breakthrough has occurred the clouds that said you have slipped the surly bonds of earth will be left behind with each additional foot of altitude and increase in speed.

Taking off from San Francisco and heading out over the Pacific probably offers the best combination of all of these things. On a perpetually foggy morning and flying in something the size of a 747, there is the dramatic take-off over Highway 101, entering the cloud layer above Colma and South City before the breakout to the west of Twin Peaks with the Transamerica Tower, Presidio and the Golden Gate Bridge exquisitely framed by parting clouds as the coastline recedes ever smaller in to the distance. Bali high!

None of this really matters, naturally, if you are the kind that prefers an aisle seat.

Gotta go.

Where Dat One Goin'?

Wanna turn a grown man in to the most excited little boy in the world? Take him plane watching at the nearest international airport and watch the light shine in his eyes for younger days gone by. I used to ask that question as a young child when my parents discovered my love of airplanes and took me to the airport to watch the world fly by. It still happens today because I regularly head out to some observation area or vantage point just to watch the metal move through the air, bringing people and products together all over the world.

There is nothing to stir the imagination as much as watching planes roaring in to the sky unless, of course, you happen to live near Cape Canaveral. The bigger the plane the greater the thrill and the ultimate icing is seeing a foreign flag shining bright and exotic to break up the monotony of one US airline after another, especially if it is the same airline over and over again.

Some airports are certainly better than others when it comes to having a wide variety of airplanes and airlines to choose from. JFK, London/Heathrow, Frankfurt and Tokyo come time mind while some serious international players like Bangkok and Hong Kong bring a particularly exotic feel to the comings and goings, being heavy with regional brands not necessarily seen elsewhere in the world. Combine the major players from every corner of the globe that you would expect to see at Bangkok and then add in the low-cost carriers such as Air Asia and Jetstar and 'tis a heady stew indeed of smells, sights and sounds.

Getting as close to the action as possible is the trick, of course. A zoom lens is fine for the tight shots from a distance but hearing and feeling the "heavies" pounding overhead truly gives the heart a burst of joy and adrenalin. There's a nice village pub on Spout Lane at the western end of Heathrow that offers a pint, pub grub and a spectacular view directly underneath the aircraft whether they are landing or taking off. In San Francisco at the northern end of 28-R is the parking lot to the United Airlines Maintenance Base. The concussion from international widebodies thundering off of this strip routinely sets off a number of car alarms as they head over the sea to Asia, Hawaii or Europe.

Sadly though, the current economy has curtailed this unique and free way to spend an afternoon. On a recent trip to "Funeral Hill" on the south side of Los Angeles International Airport, where the "Asian Invasion" was the highlight of any day, traffic was noticeably down from the glory days. A typical day at LAX used to see up to 12 nonstops a day to Tokyo alone - today I counted two international departures between 11AM and 12:30PM, once prime viewing time at this major international gateway.

There is still activity out there, of course, and thanks to online travel agencies it is very easy to figure out when the best time of day is for viewing at your local airport. Don't be surprised if you're not alone; rather, be uplifted at wondering which is more the child, the little boy playing in the grass and turning his eyes up to watch the next one go boy or the father who brought him as a bonding opportunity for them both or an excuse to go himself.

Gotta go.

Farewell, Fare Lady

“If I build it will you buy it?”

“If I buy it will you build it?”

That famous phone call between Pan Am and Boeing begat one of the most revolutionary airplanes of the past 50 years, the 747. While it has become harder and harder to find in the Americas the 747 remains the flagship of more than a few international airlines in Europe and Asia. With new technologies on the horizon and the harshest economic realities of nearly a century, however, the writing is on the wall for this aviation stalwart.

The first time I ever flew on one was in the mid-70s when I was about 11 years old. It was also the first time I would be flying by myself, off to visit a friend in Texas. I couldn’t contain my excitement about being “grown” and not having to sit near Mom to make sure that I behaved. I was also on Cloud Nine about flying the biggest passenger airplane in the world, even if the entire flight would last no more than an hour and a half on Delta Air Lines between Atlanta and Dallas.

Since that initial experience I’ve enjoyed this miraculous machine with Pan Am, Lufthansa, Air France, Malaysia, All Nippon, Northwest, Qantas, Air New Zealand and United Airlines. They have collectively operated the -100, -200, -300 and -400 versions and powered them with Pratt & Whitney, General Electric and Rolls Royce engines. Not once in nearly 40 years was a 747 flight I had booked interrupted, cancelled or had to have equipment substituted because of a breakdown.

It’s been a pleasure to experience First Class, Business Class and Economy Class, both upstairs and down. First Class was particularly special in the very first row where the angled windows offered a sense of looking straight ahead - that plus the feeling of arriving at the destination ahead of the pilots, even if only by a micro-second or two. The last row of coach had its treats as well in being far enough behind the engines to see the contrails whipping along and providing a true sense of speed in flight. My favorite seat was just behind the 2nd boarding door so I could see, hear and feel the engines roar and watch the massive, deeply swept wing bend and flex as it lifted us into the sky.

The shortest flight was a one hour hop on Pan Am from Washington/Dulles to JFK while the longest was 15 hours from Los Angeles to Hong Kong on United when both the airplane and the airline were on top of the world. The stand-up bars, piano lounges and Sky Dining restaurants were all long gone by the time I started traveling as an adult but I certainly welcomed the First Class Suites that brought contemporary touches to the Pullman sleepers of old.

No in-flight child birth or mile-high club experiences to report either; my adventures on this grande dame involved little more than a weather diversion to Brisbane once when Sydney was closed for thunderstorms. Still, time and economics are the two cruelest task masters. For the 747 it is undeniably near that time. Commercial airplanes are not weekends-in-the-garage hobby toys to tinker with after their economic usefulness is over no matter how beloved “the ol’ girl” may be; the desert, the chop and the A380 are all waiting. The memories and the adventures, however, will surely live on.

From Tahiti to Japan, Mainland China, India, Australia, Great Britain, Hawaii, Thailand, Hong Kong (both airports), Okinawa, Germany, Malaysia, New Zealand and all over America, thanks for the safe and solid good times.

Gotta go.

Exit Row Excess

It can be really difficult for a grown man of any age or size to contain the child-like glee of finally going on vacation and being at the airport, just itching to get on the plane and get going. This was my frenetic state as I presented myself, the very first of what would be over 400 people flying to Auckland, New Zealand that night on Qantas from Los Angeles. I had purposely scheduled a whopping six-hours in Los Angeles between my connecting flights; I wanted a cushion for any delays but also to be as early as possible to see about getting a better seat.

I'd pre-reserved my preferred seat, a window, at the time of the reservation but it wasn't forward of the wing where I like to sit. I was hoping for better luck the day of departure at the airport but was told again that those seats were not only completely full but reserved for the "premium" economy customers. My current assignment was somewhere along the middle of the wing which didn't offer the best of views even if most of the flight was in the middle of the night. I politely asked what other options there might be for the flight.

They had barely opened for check-in when I arrived so there wasn't a line behind me; that gave the counter agent all the time in the world to indulge me with the all-important selection of a seat for the 12.5 hour flight. This American Airlines agent was professional, courteous and even shared in the infectious humor of the man-child fidgeting excitedly before him. He found the seat that, I thought, would do the trick: an exit row window. Yes!!

Exit rows are usually held until departure time by the airlines and I felt I had found Solomon's gold as he ran my boarding pass. I laughed at the absurdity of Qantas actually charging $130 for the "privilege" of the aisle or even the middle seat in the exit row, feeling they had missed the boat in giving this particular window seat away scot free. Why? There was reduced legroom at the window, the agent explained, because the over-wing door was right in front of it. The compartment attached to it that holds the evacuation slide bulged in enough, they felt, to impede any real comfort and thus "value" in sitting there. Having sat in such seating on other airlines I felt that the legroom was perfectly fine. I forgot that on those occasions I was in Business Class.

When boarding finally begins I race, as much as a crowded aisle will allow, to my coveted seat and promptly saw exactly what the agent was trying to explain from the cues on his computer screen. The slide pouch was about as far from my knees as any other seat in coach would have been. Worse, I didn't even have my own window. This close to the door I had a solid panel next to me with only a hint of the outside world from the window positioned one row behind me. Shhh-ucks!

The saving grace was that my right leg, at least, could stretch its full length in to the space between my seat and the crew jump seat facing towards me from the forward edge of the door. And the married couple seated next to me didn't seem to mind if my leg got a little too friendly with one of theirs during the flight. Or at least they didn't mind enough to say so.
I wonder if they paid the up charge.

Gotta go!

De-Ice in De-Winter

Christmas Eve and my flight ended up being an hour an a half late but hey, it wasn’t among the number of cancellations suffered at DFW because of snow. Yes, snow. Not the blizzard conditions of the East Coast or Upper Midwest mind you but the Texas kind of snow that means you can see it, it’s real but it’s really just enough to surprise some, annoy everyone else and disrupt air travel on the 2nd busiest holiday of the year.

My American Airlines flight wasn’t completely full and actually boarded on time; it was the “car wash” that held us up, something I was mentally prepared for. The “car wash” is the de-icing station, one of several set up at the far corners of the airport, to clean off any ice and snow from the airplane so it can take-off safely. “De-icing” is something of a misnomer in the technical sense of the procedure as it is really a two-part process involving both de-icing and anti-icing. De-icing first…

One thing that is obvious about snow is that it is heavy but it is not always obvious to most observers who see it piled up on to airplanes that the extra weight is not part of their take-off preparations. Every bit of snow has to come off the airplane so the pilots can see and the plane will weigh exactly as much as the planners expect it to for safe flight. Equally critical is to eliminate snow and ice build-up on the wings and “control surfaces,” the flaps and other moving parts of the wing and tail that affect movement. Not only the surfaces but also down in between the hinges and creases where frozen “precipitation” has been known to jam the controls in dangerous and deadly ways.

Extremely hot water is mixed with chemicals similar to industrial strength windshield fluid used in cars to “wash” the fuselage, wings, control surfaces and around the windows of the airplane. Workers are careful always to never spray directly in to air intake valves as the odor and smoke can cause discomfort to those inside the plane. Once the plane is considered “clean,” the second part of the treatment begins, the anti-icing.

More hot water is mixed with an even thicker solution of chemicals which some have likened to the consistency of a good Italian salad dressing. Either green or orange in color, this is applied typically only to the wings and tail control surfaces of the plane to prevent any snow or ice re-accumulation. It is also intended to remain on the plane just long enough to get to the runway and in to the air. As the plane builds up speed the solution is designed to simply peel off and leave a completely clean wing surface exposed to the air for normal flight.

In winter conditions airports and airlines know how long they have between the car wash and the runway before their application window of opportunity times out. In other words, if they send the flight to be de-iced too early, the chemicals only prevent snow and ice for so long; exceed that time window and the flight will have to go back for another wash. For this reason flights leave the gate only with a reasonable assurance of getting through the car wash and straight to the runway in as little time as possible.

Each wash, depending on the size of the plane can take from 15 to 30 minutes to complete. My flight was third in line for the procedure and then third in line again for the only runway being used for take-offs that evening from DFW, “31-Left” the northwest crosswind, a strip used 99% of the time for southbound inbound landings only. Once lined up the pilot set the brakes, opened up to full throttle and in only 22 seconds our MD-80 lifted off over the Southlake suburbs before tracking northeast and back home to Baltimore for Christmas.

We thought of the cancelled flights to Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and smaller cities in Texas and considered ourselves both lucky and thankful to be an hour and a half late but still home in time for the holidays.

Gotta go.

Flying on the New A380

I have flown the new Airbus A380 aircraft and I must say that it raises the bar in passenger comfort for economy class passengers. On this airplane the cheap seats feels like premium accommodations on other aircraft so I can only imagine what it's like in the upper berths.


Intended to both replace and surpass the venerable 747, the A380 is bigger in just about every measurement that counts. Longer, taller, wider, heavier and quieter than the Boeing, the only thing it is not necessarily is as beautiful to look at. One observer likened it to a fat sausage with wings, bulky and bloated with only the sweep of the wingtips suggesting any true grace at all. Like any sausage, though, it's what's on the inside that entices, scintillates and satisfies.


I flew the beast twice on two different airlines with completely different configurations and approaches to customer service. Upon boarding there is a sense of boarding a ship as I was faced with a solid vertical wall of white paint with a massive doorway swallowing other passengers whole in front of me. There is plenty of room just in the foyer area to be received by the cabin crew with no squeezing past jump seats, emergency equipment or the like.


The second thing I noticed was the extreme height of the ceiling, coming in at nearly 10 feet above the cabin floor. No worries about stooping in this airplane but while headroom is great for standing and such it means diddly when sitting down for up to 15 hours at a stretch. Legroom in steerage is up to the individual airline which I am happy to report was generous at 34" of pitch.


What I truly found to be wonderful was the spacing between my window seat and the side wall of the aircraft. With about four inches of additional room between the outer armrest on my seat and the wall there was plenty of room for me, once the seat was reclined, to truly stretch out and cozy up to the window instead of my neighbor. I stand 6'3" and where I'm used to sitting nearly straight up this added bonus definitely gave me and my fellow passengers room to enjoy our own seats in the back of the bus. I can't say enough about how I really appreciated and enjoyed that extra room.


On the first flight, courtesy of Emirates' configuration, I sat in front of the wing which I chose on purpose to see if those massive egg-beater engines were truly as quiet on take-off as advertised. They were; my car makes more noise on a cold start in the winter. The real difference for me was sitting behind the wing on the Qantas flight back to Los Angeles. The massive amounts of air being forced OUT of the engines made about as much noise as any other airplane. The strange thing is that while sitting in the back the plane just plain feels heavy. Groaning, swaying and roaring down the runway, fighting for take-off speed, everyone gasped noticeably when we finally lifted in to the air but once airborne it was smooth sailing and church-house quiet. Nothing but a big ol' drama queen!


When the A380 was first announced my national pride via Boeing was wounded. I even said I would not go out of my way to fly on the thing, actually having nervous jitters about so large a machine (1.25 Million pounds) actually making it off the ground. Then Qantas offered an irresistible sale to the South Pacific and I did both on the same trip - I set aside my worries and went out of my way to fly the monster...after it had been in service nearly a year.


I said once before that, given the money and a good reason, it's possible to make an old DC-10 look and feel just as good. The pictures here tell the story about how one airline versus the other dresses up the interior and approaches food service. Regardless of how it's tricked out on the inside, however, the Airbus A380 stands on its own.
And I can't wait to take another ride.

Gotta go.